Stealing My Humanity!
I went to a work related seminar in NYC and had the misfortune of sitting next to an improperly dressed woman. Afterwards I went outside and was hit with billboards that keep getting worse. It can't be any clearer that they're not trying to sell a product, they're simply selling lust. I was disheartened because I felt the old spark of lust and did not want to! I tried working the steps, getting out of my head, and focusing on giving rather than taking. That last part - telling myself to stop taking - made me realize something profound. In a way, when I lust in response to the billboard, I'm not really taking. I'm being raped. I'm being taken from. Not only are they trying to take my money (the p***n industry and/or the manufacturer of the product), they're taking my humanity too, they're stealing my life. In exchange for what?? A fleeting sense of (false) pleasure? Do I not have a choice here? Am I at the mercy of the lowest elements of society? Does that bum on the corner have me wrapped around his finger because all he has to do is flash a magazine in my face to control me??
Although I can't say that this insight caused an instant, permanent transformation, I was angry and upset that I let them control me. (Although being angry and upset is usually a bad thing, in this context I think that reaction is a good one!).