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Rosh Hashono Dose of Dov

obormottel Wednesday, 09 September 2015

We are told to pray on Rosh Hashana to be given life for the rest of the coming year and to beg Hashem for a good, easy, and successful year.

But that is poison for myself and the addicts I know.

Fortunately, there is a dissenting (or maybe clarifying) opinion: R. Nathan holds man is judged at all times.

I purposely avoid davening for the rest of the year on Rosh Hashonoh, b"H, in any respect. It's a constant struggle for me not to give in to the temptation to play with 'One Day At A Time' in granting a dispensation for things that sound religious and davening for the year instead of living truly one day at a time.

Instead, I have discovered a simple and faithful way to experience and daven on Rosh Hashonoh as a recovering addict. I say the machzor, but trust that all it is about is 'doing Rosh Hashonoh right'. Hashem wants me to say these things - but I do not think about them. I leave my year to Him in surrender. My best 'malchuyos' is surrendering my desire to pray for the year, and instead just praying for today (Rosh hashonoh) to be the way He wants it to be.

And the rest of the year? None of my business. It's His business. I trust Him because He is the Melech, not I. To me, that is the ikkar of the entire Rosh Hashonoh experience (as R" Chaim Volozhiner and the RMCH"L write clearly) - that I am not G-d. The biggest shock there is, truly. (There is a great book about AA by the name "Not G-d," by the way, kind of about this.) And perhaps the greatest practical applicatin of the acceptance that I am not G-d that there is, is admitting that the rest of the year is none of my business, ever. It's His business, because it is about Him and His Will for me, not about me.

Apparently normal Yidden do not need that. For they are instructed to pray for the whole year...and they are also instructed to drink wine on Purim till they are drunk, which most alkies cannot and should not do. They are also told sex is a must on mikvah night (or any night) - a thing that is crazy for many sexaholic marriages. So we are different, right?