Frum "10 Step Program"
Elya K (our dedicated 12-Step phone conference moderator) offers below a Frum "10 Step Program" as an alternative to the 12-Step program, for anyone that - for whatever reason - doesn't feel the 12-Steps "talk to them". Elya writes:
I just attended a convention with 650 people who were all working the 12 steps. Twenty of them were Frum Yidden. Some of these frum yidden have already 4-10 years of sobriety. They have completely saved their marriages and their lives by working the steps. Anyone who has this much sobriety and has NOT worked the steps, please raise your mouse and let us know about it. PLEASE! But if you insist on a "Frum" alternative, here's one that can perhaps have the same overall effect:
#1: Admit that you have a problem - you do, or you wouldn't be reading this.
#2: If you can't stop the problem on your own, think about the reasons/causes you can't, and then explore if you can find alternatives (to those causes).
#3: Find a friend (even from the forum), and either call or meet with them to discuss your struggle.
#4: Explore the root of your disease. Why are you doing this and not drinking or gambling?
#5: Do a Chesbon Hanefesh: Are you helping your fellow man? Are you holding grudges? Are you angry? The Torah says, anger is like worshiping Avodah Zorah. How do you get rid of the anger? How do fix your low self esteem? How do you get rid of fear? Discuss these issues with your friend or go to a counselor.
#6: Tell your friend everything you've done. Viduy!
#7: Learn mussar to perfect your character traits. Take a different trait and work it for a full week, recording your progress. Then do it over and over again. See the sefer "Chesbon Hanefesh" for details.
#8: Admit when you're wrong and make amends to anyone you've hurt. We do this before Yom Kippur, but you can do it anytime.
#9: Now that you've learned mussar, made amends and done a Chesbon Hanefesh everyday, you should be a pretty sober person, healthy mentally and happy.
#10: Repeat #1-#9.