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Figuring it out never helped me

GYE Corp. Sunday, 11 December 2011

Dov responds to someone who claims that we need to change our attitude and realize that looking is also part of the addiction:

I do not argue with this idea, but I know of not one addict who ever permanently "stopped himself" from using his/her drug because of any reason or attitude. In every successful case I know, it was a process of surrender and they know that a Higher Power did it for them - and keeps doing it for them. So, taking that power and credit into our own hand is probably suicidal simply because it's a lie. And lying (actively or passively) is the bedrock of addictive behavior. And the same goes for guilt - I know of no addict who got sober, from guilt. Quit? Yes - many times, but not sober.

Even though I of course sense his sincerity, the kind of talk in the quote is so easy to hear almost every time one goes to an AA/SA (etc.) meeting. It can usually be heard out of the mouths of the guys who have been attending for one or two meetings. Those who have not yet been sober for a month, or maybe even a day, often have it 'all figured out'. Preaching and philosophizing to anyone - even correctly - never really helped me at all. And I doubt it helped the other folks who heard it, either. The answer for me and those I know, may not to be found in finally "understanding" the underlying roots of our problem, but in the acceptance of that understanding, I guess. Now that's a precious gift to get.

Action speaks much louder than words, especially in recovery. Luckily, action doesn't have to mean anything like perfection!