Thursday, 02 February 2012

Everyone is Doing Their Best

by Letakein (See all authors)

I just wanna say that working the 12 steps on Duvid Chaim's phone group was totally life changing. I seriously look at people differently now.

One thing that Duvid Chaim said that really made a difference to me is that "everyone is doing their best".
All parents want to be good parents.
All parents want their children to feel loved.
All teachers want to be good teachers.
And all bosses want to be good bosses.
Sometimes they do wrong or hurtful things.
But it's not because they want to be mean and hurtful.
They just don't know how to do it differently.
They are doing what they think will yield the best results.

So for example,
my boss yelled at me and I was resentful.
So I thought to myself, "she is doing what she thinks is best for the company. She does not know how to approach this problem properly (which would be in a calm and respectful manner). She is doing her best. She doesn't want me to be resentful. She just wants me to improve my work for the good of the company.

You see? I separated her goal from the way she approached me by thinking "she is doing her best" and asking her "what can I do to make you happier?"

When she gave me concrete ways to work differently, she was happy.

She totally did not want me to feel bad.

She just wanted my desk to be neater.
So Duvid Chaim was right.
The program is right.
Think "everyone is doing their best" and you will be happier!

(Of course this doesn't apply to people who are mentally ill and don't have control of what they do or don't have the capacity to make decisions properly. In that case, we simply pity them and do not take what they say personally because they did not mean to hurt us either).