Thursday, 15 December 2011

Admitting Defeat

by Shteiging Guy (See all authors)

I just found out about this amazing website. I've been struggling with this for almost 20 years.

Its such a good feeling to be able to share. I've got a streak going on now.

It all started innocently with some masturbation when I was 12 years old. I didn't even realize what I was doing. It just felt good and relaxed me. From then on it was downhill. I am currently 31 with 4 kids. I've had clean streaks, but when I would go back, it would be to worse things. I switched from trying to fight it like crazy, to just accepting that it would have to be part of my life.

B"H I recently went to a therapist. In the last conversation, I kept on asking him what my mindset should be. Every week I would try a different one, only to fail at the end of the week. He finally screamed at me and said, "I already told you that you can't do this yourself. WHY ARE YOU ASKING ME AGAIN WHAT YOU CAN DO? DON'T YOU SEE HOW YOU'RE SET UP FOR FAILURE?" It finally penetrated. I was always trying to solve it myself. He finally showed me how to admit defeat. It finally sunk in. I can't do this myself. And the amazing thing is that I felt so much better after surrendering. It took so much pressure off me. I realized that there were so many other places in my life that I was always trying to take care of everything myself as well. I need to learn how to let Hashem take care of my life.

GYE Corp.