A New Sense of Awareness
R' Duvid Chaim,
First, thank you. Second, thank you. And of course, third... and onwards.
And as you said, the program is not about lust. As a byproduct of getting rid of resentments and fears, lust disappears. I am certainly not cured, but I can sense that the promises of the program are coming true. I have a new sense of awareness of the immediacy of life around me, the beauty of connecting to people and Hashem's world in a real and new sense, a sense of calm and serenity that I have not experienced before. A new level of patience and connection with my wife and kids, understanding and tolerance, that allows me to be happy even in the face of turmoil. Don't get me wrong -- I am not always "holding" there, but from where I was before to now is truly incredible.
Re: the lusting, first let me say that despite my 12 year "sobriety" I could never figure out how to stop the onslaught of illicit thoughts that would rush in to my brain as I closed my eyes on my pillow at night; my "pacifier" to put me to sleep. Somehow those thoughts have all but diminished, for the first time ever, which is a complete miracle. And when they do try to infiltrate, I have so far been successful for the most part (not always, and yes, I daven that the miracle should continue) to allow them to go "in one ear and... out the other." I attribute this solely to siyata d'Shamaya, perhaps because of my hishtadlus in joining the program, perhaps because G-d knows that I am trying to get closer to Him sincerely, perhaps for some other reason that I am probably not aware of. Also, my craving to see improper things on Blackberry has diminished greatly, and, bli ayn hara, I daven that it should not return. Also, when I avert my eyes from things I should not see, it is not as painful as it used to be; in fact I get an inner simcha when I am successful to be able to focus away from what I remind myself is counterfeit joy and turn my attention to true joy. Also, I am taking new joy in my wife, no longer focused on my resentfulness of her overweight, and am learning to love her deeply and truly. What could be better? Not a religious life - a SPIRITUAL life. Simple, obvious, yet only finally beginning to be completely accessible now.
R' Duvid Chaim, your name bespeaks your purpose: you give CHAIM through your loving, blunt, caring presentation of the program to withered souls who crave the reviving waters of true simcha and chesed. I am making it my purpose and my mission to become a person who "gets out of my head" and starts living for others and for Hashem. May He give you, the Chevra, me and all of Klal Yisroel the continued siyata shemaya to gain a true refuah and connect truly to Him alone. Thank you - todah - I am modeh to you from the bottom of my heart.