A letter to the wife of the GYE husband
Before I begin, I reiterate that this letter is written by a Yid-little mr. yechida here. Your husband did not know I would write this and certainly didn't ask me to. It's important that you keep this in mind as you read this letter.
An important disclaimer: every life and every marriage is unique. Some may go through extraordinary situations beyond the scope of the norm. If chas v'sholom one of you is suffering from a serious illness such as cancer or the like, or the illness and death of a child, then parts of this letter will not apply to you. Hashem has placed before you an extraordinary situation that requires a separate unique discussion, requiring special sensitivity.
Know that a letter such as this requires several assumptions: That you and your husband are generally physically healthy. That both of you have experienced, are experiencing, or will experience some of the various challenges that face our generation. This may include struggles with parnassah, raising children, stress of daily living, or working together on common problems. Paying bills, PTA problems, interaction with parents, in-laws, nosy relatives, neighbors and shul members are also included. Stress can manifest itself via good things too; the simcha of a newborn, of bar mitzvahs’ or marriage. It includes the heartbreaking stress of an elderly parent who is ill and will soon leave this world. Almost every Yid and every couple will go through this. Please keep in mind that it is within this context that I am writing.
Know that this world is an upside-down world. Our perceptions are way off; good seems bad while bad seems good, high looks low and low seems high. Because of this, it is imperative when assessing situations, that you do not pay undue attention to what others say or think. Personally examine the case at hand, and then do what Hashem wants you to do.
Once, in my first year of marriage, someone close to me pointed out something negative about my wife. They were correct; she did posses this negative trait. I did what Hashem wanted me to do. I threw the negative comment in the garbage! Hashem gave me this neshomoh, my true zivug, from 40 days before I was born. So either He wants me to ignore the negative or He wants me to look at the good in her and build on it. And even if you argue that Hashem wants me to see this true negative trait in her, it is only so that I can help heal her not hurt her. It’s no different than a doctor looking at an ugly, gaping wound. He is examining it in order to find a way to heal it. He doesn't spit at the wound in disgust or contempt.
Remember this: something true, looked at the wrong way – is false.