The Opposite of Addiction
After watching this TED Talk (above), Dov and Guard had the following dialogue:
Dov: "The SA White Book calls Sexaholism a disease of Misconnection, and describes the solution as making the right connection... Consider how condemning it is to those who see GYE's offer of escaping isolation as being accomplished just by using the website. This speaker comes down very hard on virtual friendships, virtual honesty, etc..."
Guard: "I hear that... He is saying that we are actually disconnecting by being connected. And that is true in many cases today with Twitter, whatsup and Facebook where it's all superficial. But it's not always true. On the GYE forums and chat-rooms, you can find like-minded people who really care about you. It's not a lot, but it's a START. And an addict is so isolated, he needs to start SOMEWHERE."
"I know that for many people GYE is a good option for opening the door, and that it often works for that. But for the truly sick ones it is the hiddenness and virtualness that attracts them, not the openness or the realness. Your Ted Talk guy passionately and clearly makes the case that until relationships become really real, they do not work for addiction, period. And he says that is ONLY possible "in person, real face-to-face," as he puts it. So the virtual caring on GYE clearly cannot possibly go far enough.
"I keep hearing about the 12 steps and recovery ideas on GYE as though they are mainly a thing to be read about, studied, or 'worked' on your own. And it is davka the culture of 12 step work - the real chevra we work the steps in - that people are being assured they do not need in order to 'make it'! Telling people they can "Break out of the isolation while remaining completely anonymous," is actually rejecting the very point your Ted talk speaker is trying to make.
"Of course we need to start somewhere and I never would have opened up in person 20 years ago. I love the GYE guy. And when we are in that stage, GYE is truly the first, childish openness/realness we can know. Baby steps for some - perpetuation of fakeness for others.
Gevalt, gevalt, how sad this is... I just want you to really understand the tension for me here, and why some people are confused and think I hate GYE or am just a jerk or 'in-your-face' to some people. I am only that way when I sense a possibility that the person I am in contact with is on the verge of openness, but balking - or when it seems that the person is denying the value of realness that your Ted talk guy is making. It's churban for some and binyan for others, simultaneously. May Hashem bless our efforts."