Thursday, 19 January 2012

Self-Pity & Depression Are a Cop-Out

Someone posted on the forum:

"I just fell. I am such a lowlife."


Dov Responded:

Gevalt. How do you know what you are? You don't even know how to stay clean, and yet you say you understand yourself well enough to determine what you are?! I'm still not exactly sure what I am, but I know what to do to stay sober :-)

OK, ok... on a more serious and sensible level, please consider cutting yourself a break. No, not to screw up even more, of course, but to admit the truth about yourself and see your situation for what it really is. Doing that helps most of us accept what we really need to do about it.

Getting depressed about it? Why do that? It would just be a cop-out! Depression leads to nothing but more acting out. Self-pity is nothing but an excuse, in the end, not a healthy surrender. AA says: "Poor me, poor me, Pour me a drink!" (gotta say it to really make it sound right...)

Rather, let yourself take a step back and look at this addict trying to get well. (You are the one who decided you are an addict, not me.) He's a really nice fellow, and trying as much as the next guy to be a good Yid. You've got a lot of good and you've got some troubles, too. Learn something from your frailty and move on to better things! Use the 12-step fellowships, or whatever tools you think are worth a try - to get better!

It is horrible that we need to fail at kedushas ha'Bris so much, but if I am an addict it needs to get proved to me for me to ever get better. The clearer the truth of my inability to win on my own becomes to me, the better my chances that I'll take a firm hold of Recovery. And that's a gift! So, in a certain respect you are very lucky, (in hindsight...)

We fellows are in a load of trouble. Hearing the "Uh oh!" loud and clear is not bad at all - it's a giant bracha. My wife occasionally reminds me that the day I got sober is a more choshuv date to her than the day we got married. Now, that day was the last day I acted out, too! Acting out made it impossible for me to run away from the truth about myself! And as long as I remember the truth about myself in sobriety, I believe Hashem will keep helping me stay sober.

You are a lucky man.

Better than calling yourself names, every time you feel that little meat-grinder inside calling you some type of orifice, substitute the word "addict".