A great 20-minute analysis by Rabbi YY Jacobson

In a nutshell:

There are real human needs. If we're missing those needs, we feel a void, which causes us pain. In such a case, we can do one of two things:

1) Address the needs and fill the void and go back to a state of happiness.

2) Deal only with the pain we feel, by numbing the pain with some pleasurable experience.

Number 1 is hard, requires sacrifice and can take time. But it deals with the root of the issue and solves it, bringing us back to a state of happiness.

Number 2 feels good, it eliminates the pain, but it gets us nowhere. And then we just need more of the 'drug' to numb the pain.

The number one guideline for using technology today is filters. There is no heter to have any device without a very good filter which blocks all מראות אסורות and anything that a person shouldn’t see. This applies no matter the age, and no matter what kind of device it is (computer or phone). And it should be a good filter that was made with frum yidden in mind (examples: Gentech, Netspark, NativUSA) and not a filter made by goyim that isn’t worth much.

The perennial GYE question is, "Well, how do I know I am an addict? Maybe I am just a ba'al tayva and have a bigger than normal YH for schmutz. Yes, it bothers me, and yes, I know all about 'doing teshuvah (I've done it seventy-five times already, on this very same thing!). But who says I need to bring out the big guns; that I must actually learn how to live a different way? That's kind of drastic, you know. Maybe I'm just a nice Jewish boy with a little problem?!"

And for me, the response is:

Well, you may be right. The only question is whether it bothers you enough. True, a normal person might see the cost of what I am doing and freak out, saying, "are you a lunatic!? You have everything going for you and look at what suffering you are causing yourself and those around you... What about your future - can't you see that it will not stop tomorrow, just like it didn't stop today? (and you were pretty sure yesterday that it would...) Before this is over, it will certainly will destroy everything you have and a lot that others around you have! You absolutely need to stop!"

Nope. They are wrong. Until I see that I need to stop, I cannot stop. And even then, I absolutely cannot stop on my own. That seems to be the way it works. Unless I finally come to view myself as having a hopeless - yes, hopeless - problem, a problem even bigger than I am, I will not get the help I really need. I will stick band-aides all over myself... haven't we all?

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.