I have been struggling with unwanted same-ses attraction (SSA) since before my bar mitzvah and have experienced the struggle in different ways over the years of my journey. I find my anger seems to come out when seeing other younger guys (I'm kind of stuck as an older bachur in yeshivah because of the SSA) succeeding in their lives. They seem happy, carefree, and eventually get engaged and married while I'm stuck dealing with the same stuff I was feeling in 6th grade. That really can be hell!

Realizing my biggest issue was probably self-esteem was monumental. As a human being and definitely as a Jew, one shouldn't waste their potential. Wasting seed and time over computerized false garbage is a sign of not admiring myself, and not realizing my potential. Things that worked for me were spending that same energy spent on shmutz instead on reading amazing things on philosophy, psychology, learning Torah, mussar. GYE, of course, is an amazing resource that I've barely even tapped into yet.

Again, really, integrity, the patience to be introspective and say what's going on with compassion to one's self. To understand that even our yetzer hara, even though he's pulling us to waste our potential and live just for the body, he's doing that on Hashem's command. Thus really being unafraid to be open and honest with Hashem and say "Hashem I need your help. I've been a fool going down this dark and lonely path wasting energy and potential. As a Jew, I'm supposed to be lighting up the world with truth and I'm doing the opposite".

Really recognizing Hashem helps those who ask for it, is monumental. Seek truth with wonder and unstoppable effort. Realize there is something to gain and learn from our addiction, no matter how much we have fallen. More importantly, to realize we are not our past, nor are we a predetermined future. We are just here and now, breathing. So be honest. Do you really want to grow and move on from the illusion of porn and the false return of pleasure from wasting seed? Are we actually going to man up and do everything in our power to seek help and truth in how to grow up and be responsible for our actions?

These are all factors that with Hashem's blessing have helped me.

For a struggler, lust is the problem.
For an addict, lust has become the solution to all problems.

For a struggler, lust is a temptation.
For an addict, lust became a necessity.

A struggler needs to win.
An addict needs to surrender.

A struggler needs to guard his eyes.
An addict needs to live life differently.

A struggler needs to control it.
An addict needs to let it go.

A struggler needs to feel empowered himself.
An addict needs to empower G-d.

Note from admin: These lines are very deep and true but they will likely not be understood fully by those who are not familiar with the 12-Step approach.

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.