Dear GYE,

4 and a half years ago my wife "caught" me looking at pornography by randomly checking our browser history. I was happily married at the time with a son, and a daughter on the way but I had simply slipped easily back into by adolescent ways, easy as that. The breakdown in trust in our marriage was devastating.

We immediately met with a Rav I was close with and I told him absolutely everything. Crying. Coming clean. Liberation. A start...

My wife signed us up to filtered internet and linked me up with GYE daily emails, which I read religiously daily! This has been the lifeline. The daily reminders, the support I get from seeing others work through their issues, all help as reminders of the dark days. And that's all that looking at or watching pornography gave me - darkness and despair. It nearly ripped my marriage to shreds.

Slowly but surely my davening and learning got back on track, and my browsing and gazing eased up.

One important lesson I have learned from GYE is that the internet is only one arena. The street today is also a massive challenge. A train ride, a stopover at the bakery, simply shopping for groceries - all can present huge challenges if there are un-tzanua ladies roaming about. A second glance and the mind starts to wonder... BOOM I have to torpedo the thoughts straight away. Tehilim. A short prayer. Thinking about a halacha or parsha vord I have just heard - these are some of the weapons in my arsenal. And I need to constantly be re-arming myself for the ongoing struggle. We are human and the sexual drive will never disappear.

I was in Yeshiva for 7 years (!) and not once did any of my Rabbeim raise the topic of shmirat einayim. I guess the assumption that young boys who are davening and learning are "vaccinated". But the yetzer hara has many avenues, and this topic has to be discussed vigilantly, especially in the internet and smartphone generation .

All I can say is thank you GYE! May Hashem give you all strength to keep up the fight!

GYE recommends joining the new 12-Step fellowship of Porn Anonymous (PA).

In reality, it is common for a man to feel dejected when reflecting his own spiritual state to such extent that he becomes incapable of approaching Hashem in prayer, for fear of being hypocritical; "How can I pray now, when I just degraded myself to this new spiritual low. How dare I approach G-d, pretending to be a man/woman of valor worthy of His ear, when in truth I know my defiled/depraved/perverted/impure state? G-d knows it all, there's no fooling Him. I feel uninspired, insignificant... meaningless. He'll surely reject my prayer now,...so what's the point?"

Indeed, man's distant spiritual state often causes him to feel unworthy of connecting with the Divine. Discouraged he chooses not to approach Hashem in prayer at all.

Here is what this condition resembles:

A man digs many holes across vast grounds in search for a treasure-chest full of gold. Generally, his excavations go smoothly, and he digs deep into the soft earth. "Progress," he tells himself, "I know there is treasure somewhere around here. At this rate, I should uncover it soon." One day, while shoveling, his spade hits a hard surface that seems unbreakable, unsurpassable. "I can't get through this. It's too hard. There's no point!" he cries. Despondent, dejected and discouraged, he stops to shovel and walks away never realizing that he'd just discovered the treasure he'd been searching for all his life, one he's dreamed of forever.

Prayer of the broken heart is a treasure to G-d!

Sefarim teach us that there is no greater ingredient with which to approach Hashem than the broken heart. G-d created us human, and naturally fallible; He did not create us as Angels, intentionally, and doesn't expect us to perform as them either. All He seeks is man's desire to serve Him better, "the heart."

Prayer from the broken heart is never rejected!

In fact, we're taught that prayer from a humble and broken heart cannot be impeded from breaking open the gates of Heaven, even by the Prosecuting Angels we create in sin, Who stands over us in judgment.

As King David says in Tehillim: "A broken and dejected heart, Hashem doesn't shame."

[Quite the contrary actually. The Gemarah teaches that a broken and regretful heart is worth more to G-d that a thousand lashes from the whip; the sin won't even be recounted in final judgment after man's passing. After all, the purpose of punitive consequence is for man to learn betterment; but if man himself recognizes His failings and repents with a broken heart, there is no need for the courts to apply punitive measures to teach man from sin.]

In G-d's loving presence forever!

There's a halachah in the Talmud that states "All that your host says (demands) you must do, except for 'leave'." This world is G-d's Kingdom, and you are His guest. Therefore, you must do all that He commands you to, but never feel rejected, regardless of your spiritual state. ... Never leave!

G-d wants you; G-d loves you!

Need proof? The Giver of Life is willing you alive this very second, isn't He?!

"Modeh Ani Lefanechah Melech Chai Vekayam, Shehechezartah Bi Nishmati Bechemlah, Rabbah Emunatechah." [I acknowledge before You, Eternal and Living King (source of all living things), that You returned (into me) my soul, with (Your) compassion, great is Your faithfulness!"

Whether you're inspired or not, G-d wants to hear your voice.

Therefore, whenever you feel at a low so that you cannot pray, say these words out loud: "I'm alive this very moment only because You will it, G-d; surely You have a purpose for me still and continue to believe in me, or I wouldn't be...here, now. Thank You, Hashem, for Your faith in me. I will continue my mission until I succeed because in me You still believe. Thank You for Your infinite patience, compassion, and love...for Your unrelenting faith in me!"

"Rabbah Emunatechah" [...great is your faith, in me.]

The Zohar teaches us that every Jew carries within an eternal spark of G-d that can never be extinguished or lost.

So no matter how dim the light inside us seems, we must remember that this eternal spark can set the universe aflame to blaze on forever!

Be strong, be encouraged, and have a blessed day... You are loved by the Creator of all things, and you are blessed!

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.