Yaakov weighs in:

I would like to address the distinction that Dov brought above from Sandy B between religion being "serving G-d" and recovery being "needing G-d". In my humble opinion, the goal of religion and Torah really is "needing G-d". (I can give many examples from the Torah and Chazal to show this, but here is not the place). However, the Torah and Mitzvos is indeed about "serving G-d" so that we COME TO "needing G-d". They are really deeply connected. Let me try to explain what I mean:

The entire Torah and Mitzvos was given to us to help us step out of ourselves, as Hillel told the convert who wanted to learn the whole Torah while standing on one foot: "What you don't want done to yourself, don't do unto others - and the rest is a "pirush", go and learn it". That rule the most basic and fundamental level of stepping out of the self. It is the first step that an animal-based creature would need to take to become a spiritual-human. It is the root of the Torah, which is all about making us altruistic, to open us up to G-d's light. But the problem is, we can't really become altruistic on our own. It is against human nature and it requires a miracle. Normally we say "ain somchin al hanes" but I believe that when it comes to ruchniyus, we must rely on a nes. That means, at the end of the day, we will NEED G-D.

But the problem is, we don't FEEL that we really need G-d because we haven't reached true "Hakaras Hara". We don't see how selfish we really are, how big our egos really are, and how this is separating us from the light of G-d and true "life". It is only through much "serving G-d" and trying to reach true lishma over many years of doing Torah and Mitzvos, that we slowly begin to see more and more how much "ra" we really have, and how much we really "Need Hashem". We come to see we need Hashem to be able to succeed in doing even ONE MITZVA with true and pure lishma/altruism.

So to sum up. Religion is indeed "serving G-d", but it's purpose is ultimately that we should "need G-d". G-d doesn't need mighty warriors. He wants the connection. And the more a person needs someone, the more they feel a connection to them. Therefore, I believe that every Jew really needs the 12-Steps. The problem is though, that not every Jew has a step 1. And without a step 1, the rest of the steps are pretty useless. But if we would try to really serve Hashem with ALL our heart and kochos for many years, we would start to get a true "hakaras hara" and see that we simply cannot become truly altruistic on our own without a miracle. And at that point, we will have a step 1 and can benefit greatly from the rest of the 12-Steps.

So addicts are essentially very lucky, because if a person is zoche to a true hakaras hara, even in one area (lust or alcohol for example), they are already able to jump to the level of needing Hashem that would normally take tzadikim many years of work to get to. So an addict is lucky to see his step 1 clearly... But little does he realize that he is not much different than all of us. His addiction is simply a manifestation of self-will run riot. It is really his self-will that is the culprit here, not the addiction. And we ALL have that same self-will problem that he has, we just weren't zoche to see what a mess it makes of our lives like he was. That is why we need years of avodah and trying to serve Hashem before we can truly give up achieving true lishma on our own and realize we need Hashem. Indeed, very few are zoche to this...

Bottom line: We ALL need 12-Steps. But it doesn't work without a step 1, and normally, only an addict has a step 1. For a normal yid, It takes years of Avodah to achieve a step 1 in realizing that we are powerless over our "self-will" and "ego" without a miracle from G-d.

Sorry for the long drasha... I hope some of it makes sense.

Today is rosh chodesh Sivan and today is my 90th day of my journey. I can't believe this.
I am sitting here by my computer in a trance.
Wow! Did I really accomplish 90 days! Yup, I DID! With thanks to H' and too many other ppl to mention who all helped me pull thru. No, it wasn't an easy journey and I only got thru it living from one minute to the next. I have gained so much from this journey in all areas of my life! I have changed! I am a different person!
I was able to do this. I am strong. I can do anything! I can. This proves it. The fact that I DID 90 days. Nothing is impossible. H' has held me thru it all and continues to do so thru out every aspect of my life. He only gives me what I can handle – this is also proved to me thru the 90 days done! Life is not one rose garden. I also have to want to do it. But really want it. And it can get done! I know that when I am REALLY determined to do something I get it done! There are ups and there are downs. But I can pull myself out the downs and remain up. Life is not about circumstances but about attitude. Hey, I'm naturally a pessimist. But, I have changed. Just like the brain wiring has changed for wanting to act out then my mindset has also hopefully permanently changed to that of an optimist! Yay!

I feel it is so special that my 90th day coincides with rosh chodesh sivan. It's big. I just feel it. I'm feeling empowered. No, I do not want to act out on day 91, bh. Altho it is shabbos and shabbos for me is not a good day. But, Hashem will help me just as He has helped me til now! I trust in Him.
Hey, I just had a thought. Just like rosh chodesh is the beginning of a new month. Today is the beginning of a new life. A good one. A clean one. My neshama is proud. Whatever happens, I can handle. It's from H' and I CAN get up if I fall. I'm not planning on falling, though. All H' wants of me is to try my best and then He helps me with the rest. I have so many a&w moments! Life ain't suddenly easy. No! But my attitude is better and I am still living life minute by minute.

I accomplished 90 days! It is a huge achievement! Tons of battles which I may not have won all of them but I won the war! TY H'!
Thank You for having helped me reach my goal! But this is not the end goal.
It's the beginning of a new month. Of a new life.
I reached 90 but I'm not gonna stop. Life doesn't stop. There are still challenges. But I am stronger now. And have more tools in my arsenal.
I have also learned on this journey what is and isn't really important in life.
It has also taught me that the feeling WILL pass. Just WAIT! And the feeling really does pass!

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.