"Ezra" posted on the forum:

I am in my 30's, have 5 kids have been married about ten years. I have had this "struggle" for about 13 years. I got involved in online porn when I was in college. I started with small things that eventually led to watching things I never imagined I would look at. I couldn't stop and didn't want to. I thought marriage would help, but it didn't. I never really gave it a great effort to stop until now. I also learn daily and feel that I have a great marriage. My wife actually caught me twice, but being that I have developed a real provenience at hiding, I was able to talk my way out of it and make sure it doesn't happen again. The real kicker was last year. I was bored and stupid at work and went to inappropriate sites and ALMOST got busted. I decided then and there that I had enough. If I had gotten fired for that, my career would have been totally messed up and who knows what would have happened to my marriage. I was also having difficulty doing my work, which I attribute to difficulties associated with this problem.

So there you have it. I was looking for help, found the GYE website, signed up, put on the k-9 filter and have been "clean" ever since (38 days today). Not saying I don't have the desire, but I haven't gone back there again.

Ezra posted again:

I humbly write this next post as I am enjoying my accomplishment of hitting day 60 yesterday. I went to the mikvah earlier today (erev shabbos) and truly feel pure and holy.

My sense of appreciation to the GYE staff and those that have supported me cannot be expressed enough. Over the last couple of days I have been reading the stories section of both men and their wives. The story of the man that got busted talking to minors blew me away. Who knows where my own internet problem could have taken me? I never got involved outside of the web and certainly not with minors, but I never imagined I would do some of the stuff online that I did. (I write this with tears in my eyes). I have been tearing up a lot today thinking about this issue.

You GYE people truly saved me. I have a beautiful marriage and children and Hashem gives me so much, I could have lost it all (no one thinks they will ever get caught). That scares the heck out of me, and truly motivates me to remain strong. Thank g-d I never hit bottom that way, but I think you have all provided me the ability to "hit bottom while still on top". I am at day 60!! And feeling great. I did the math, that is over 80 hours of my life that I would have wasted (in many ways- hamevin yavin). THANK YOU!! THANK YOU!!!

For those like myself who continue to struggle. Here are the three things I can point to that have kept me strong:

1. Thinking about the above i.e. all that I can lose - marriage, parnasah, my children, oy vey - is it worth it?!!!

2. Thinking about how I feel afterwards.

3. The filters I have installed (even though I know how to get around them - they are still an additional step).

4. Having my name on the chart and knowing that I would have to start on day one again. I encourage everyone to sign up for the chart, it is really helpful. It has stopped me multiple times; I didn't want to have to publicly admit failure and to start over myself.

Thanks again everyone, I am truly crying tears of joy and appreciation today. I feel great and overwhelmed with joy.

THANK YOU!

We'd like to create a mobile APP for people to get instant chizuk when they are triggered. It will have Inspirational images, sayings, Turn-Off images, as well as short, motivational thoughts of inspiration.

We're looking for your help. Please send us your short motivational thoughts, images, sayings etc. Especially the ones that you found most powerful in your OWN journey. Send them to: eyes.guard@gmail.com

Thank you.

A little victory tonight.

I was alone in the kitchen when I noticed a magazine (of women's under garments) had arrived and was sitting on the counter.

I immediately had a flashback to a few years ago. I was tutoring a non-religious kid in his home, and one day I was alone in the kitchen waiting for him or something, and I saw a similar magazine/catalog on the table. I couldn't resist and I flipped through it and soiled my mind. I still have the images occasionally emerge from the black file cabinet in the back of my mind.

At any rate, the urge to look this time was there as well, albeit a bit more subtle due to prolonged abstinence from lust.

But I knew I had a split second to turn off the thought or it might take over me and control me like so many times in the past.

Thank G-d, I slammed the lid on the rising curiosity and fantasy. And grabbed the mag and threw it in the trash and went on with whatever I wasn't doing.

Not to toot my horn, it was just a bit comforting to realize that the well-trodden pathways in my brain that lead down to dark caves in the forest are slowly but surely growing over with greenery and vegetation as no feet have walked them in a while, and I'm very thankful for that and for whatever healing G-d has given me and will give me.

I hope to stay true to Him.

I wrote to you a few months ago telling you about the book "Breaking the Cycle". At that point, I wasn't ready for your approach on GYE. I needed to deal with the addiction without any mussar. This book greatly helped me, but it wasn't enough. A few weeks ago I looked through your handbook and found it to be very helpful. TaPHSiC method has been a lifesaver for me! Because with all of the self help, the voice always manages to find a little opening...."just this time... I really need i,t etc." TaPHSiC is wonderful, as it builds a brick wall to keep me going and not to act out no matter what. I thank Hashem that I have the yir'as shamayim not to budge from sh'vua.

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.