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Menachem's Profile

Listing Options
He is looking
  Contact Info   
Region North America
Contact preferences Chat
Correspondance Frequency Wants to be in touch on a daily basis
Languages English
  Personal Info  
Age 34
Marital status Single
Background Modern Orthodox
Children -
Religious from birth Yes
Additional info I tried to stop many times and was unsuccesful staying stopped
Story I’ve had many struggles. When i was 12,I was raped on an ongoing basis by my cousin. In addition the the physical violation,he was very psychologically manipulative. I didn't know anything about sex at the time. He told me that what we were doing was normal. He also told me that men dress up as women and manipulated me into doing that. This went on for about a year. After that I had similar encounters with consenting male teens. When I told my mother about the abuse by my cousin I did not get the support I needed. In addition to the above,I’ve had other struggles as well. My father was physically abusive. I’ve been rejected by yeshivas due to learning disabilities and told I’m never going to amount to anything. My grandfather and my uncle passed away. My big brother Yehuda also passed away. My brothers passing has been extremely difficult for me to accept-especially since he was so supportive about the other tragedies. I’ve been working on these issues with a therapist for the past year and 8 months. I’ve come to terms with the abuse by my cousin,the abuse by my father and the rejection by many schools/rebbeim. I’ve taken college classes and got my certification in CAD Architectural and Civil Engineering. I have a job offer in this field. I’m still grieving the loss of my brother but I know that this is normal and it doesn't impede my daily functions. I’ve discussed my sexuality at length with my therapist. While I may not know how to label myself (gay,straight,trans etc.) I think that I am attracted to girls. It’s been about 9 years since I have been sexual with a man (teen) and I have no desire to do that currently i do still have SSA. I have no sexual experience with girls. However one area that I still struggle with on occasion especially when stressed is watching pornography- gay,straight,and cross-dressing. I feel like I can have a successful,faithful marriage. I’m working on not watching porn anymore and feel confident that when I’m in a relationship this won’t be an issue. I've dealt with these issues in therapy but I fill that the responsible thing to do is to get a Torah perspective as well.I have so much baggage. Is it right to expose someone to all of that? Will it be too much for them? I really do want a family. Unless it will be at the cost of someone else's happiness. What do you think should I get married? What meaning can I find in my suffering?

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