Ohr HaChaim HaKadosh
 
 
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1280  
 
 
In Today's Issue
   
Announcements: Matching Challenge - THANK YOU!
12 Step Attitude: The New Drug
Announcements: Nesivos Shalom Conference Call
Links: 3 Habits to Keep Your Kids Safe
Announcements: Help Wanted
Torah: How to stay holy
Announcements: Free Hard Copy of GYE Handbook
Member's Chizuk: Desire vs. Happiness
Announcements: The Chosson Shmooze - Full Archives
 
 
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Announcements
 
Matching Challenge - THANK YOU!
 

We'd like to thank all the GYE members who helped us raise $5,000 in time to complete the matching challenge of last week.

Thank you and Tizke Lemitzvos!

May the zechus of your donation be a merit to help you in your quest for purity, Midah Kineged Midah.

12 Step Attitude
 

Continued from previous issue.

 
The New Drug
 
Part 3/3
 
By Obormottel

Other advocates of classifying heavy pornography use as an addiction are numerous websites offering help to self-described porn addicts. Some, like GuardYourEyes.org or MaritalHealing.com, have religious affiliation – Jewish and Catholic, respectively - and bring in religious overtones to disparage and discourage pornography watching. Others, like FightTheNewDrug.org or ThroughTheFlame.org claim no such affiliation, and offer help with stopping compulsive use of pornography on health, moral, or “quality of life” grounds. Such websites usually provide scientific support for their assertions of the dangers and addictive nature of Internet porn. It’s important to note that all these websites feature resources for teenagers, and report significant numbers of members between the ages of 14 and 17.

So what does all this mean? In the opinion of the creators of GuardYourEyes.org, this means that it is time our community became alert to the fact that Internet pornography addiction is here and is real. It affects our youth just as it does the general population. We need to stop treating this affliction as a moral or religious failure and recognize it for what it is – a pernicious disease, requiring professional help. And we should offer this help without shaming and stigmatizing to the thousands in our community who need it. GuardYourEyes.org network offers such help, that is both completely free and completely anonymous. There are no appointments to make, no bills to come in the mail, and the help is administered in the privacy of your home or office, at your pace and your schedule. The only requirement for membership is the admission that one has a problem and the desire to be free of it.

However, it is common knowledge that an ounce of prevention is worth a pound of cure. Prevention remains the best tool in dealing with an addiction and its ruinous consequences. It is true, of course, that not all who view pornography suffer a detriment to their health, just like not all who drink alcohol or use drugs become alcoholics or develop a drug addiction. Yet, research shows that by delaying the age of initiation or by deterring the use of pornography altogether, we can help a significant number of teenagers avoid developing any issues associated with porn use.

Programs that are directed at reducing or eliminating use of pornography can help start conversations between children and adults, deglamorizing porn and describing the dangers inherent in its obsessive viewing.

It is important that parents and educators deal with adolescent porn use without shaming. Shaming is an inefficient disciplining technique, which causes low self-esteem and depression. This further isolates the person being shamed from their peers, and can even lead to suicide in some teenagers. By suggesting that pornography is addictive, we can help de-stigmatize pornography use and motivate those struggling to get help.

For prevention to succeed, it is important to educate grown-ups - ourselves - about accessibility as well as dangers of online porn. It is our hope that this article will be useful towards that goal.

It is equally important that we have at our disposal sex education tools and materials that would help meet adolescent interests while keeping young people away from harm, and at the same time be true to our values of tznius. Like in drug prevention, “Just say ‘No!’” is not enough for success; it is of equal importance to provide the developing needs and curiosity of teenagers with suitable substitutes for unwanted behavior. The sexualized media is omnipresent, and we need tools to counteract it.

Of great importance to our teenagers is an empathic and open relationship with a safe adult, be it parent or educator, who is able to discuss sexual issues and address questions of pornography and sexual behavior in a direct, mature, and respectful manner. GuardYourEyes.org offers an on-line forum for teens for just such purpose.

Just as important, is parental supervision and monitoring adolescents’ technology use. For the latter, GuardYourEyes.org network offers a variety of prevention tools. They have an entire website, venishmartem.com, dedicated to stopping the Internet problem at its root by providing effective and easy-to-use filtering solutions for Klal Yisrael. Venishmartem aims to help tens of thousands of Yidden install effective filtering. Their team researches every existing up-to-date solution for every type of device. The site’s expanding directory of professional frum filter technicians is available for those who need extra help. As a public service, Venishmartem filter guides are available free of charge.

Thousands of frum Yidden out there still have open Internet on their computers and devices. Many people think that filters will slow down their computers or block them from things they like to do, but this is not necessarily true at all. The problem is that people are used to not having filters and are therefore afraid of what the filter will do. This whole situation has to change. We must ensure that the coming generation doesn’t even have a question about whether to use internet without a filter. It should become a given for every frum Yid that unfiltered Internet is a danger to the fabric of Jewish life and the health of our children. The next generation of frum Yidden must grow up with the concept of filtered internet as a basic prerequisite to being an erlicher Yid.

Please help us make our dream of a physically and spiritually healthy world a reality. Visit GuardYourEyes.org or Venishmartem.com for more information, to get help, or to participate in helping others.

Announcements
 
 
Nesivos Shalom Conference Call
 
Links
 

This link will take you to a site outside of GYE network. While we have vetted this site and found to contain no objectionable imagery, viewer discretion is advised.

3 Habits to Keep Your Kids Safe
Announcements
 
Help Wanted
 

Dear GYE friends:

We are constantly trying to improve our operation to better serve the Jewish people and need some additional helping hands...

Please be in touch with us (help@gye.org.il) if you can help in a professional capacity with any of the following positions/tasks:

- Advertising campaigns manager

- Fundraiser

- Marketing

- Web-development / programming project manager

- Video productions

- Translations

- Graphic design

- Writers

- Website testers

Torah
 

In honor of Ohr HaChaim HaKadosh's Yohrzeit today, we bring you this article, originally published in time for Shovavim. You can see the full article on our website.

 
How to stay holy
 
Part 1/3
 
By GYE

There's a fundamental and elementary piece from the holy Ohr Hachayim that gives a clear perspective on the powerful nature of carnal desire, and helps us understand how Hashem expects us to remain holy in spite of it being against human nature. In honor of Shovavim, I would like to bring this Ohr Hachayim now in a few stages. To see the original text in Hebrew, click here (the important parts are marked in yellow, and the VERY important parts in red).


Ohr Hachayim (Acharei Mos, 18:2)

It is known that all the Mitzvos that Hashem commanded his holy nation are Mitzvos that a man can stand by and cause himself a desire to do, besides for the Mitzva of staying away from arayos (illicit sexual relations) which is something that a person craves and his desires forces him to act, unless one makes an effort to stay far away from two things: 1) Seeing with the eyes, 2) Thinking about it. However, if a person does not keep away from these two aspects (sight and thought), a man will not be able to control himself and rid himself of it.

As long as one does not stay away from looking, even if he stays away from thinking about it, he will not be able to control himself and rid himself of the inevitable desire. As we can see from the story of R' Amram, the Rebbe of all Chassidim (Kidushin 81a), that even though he was far from thinking about these things, he was won over by the aspect of "sight" (to see the full story see Chizuk e-mail #275 on this page). And we can also see this from the story of Reb Masya Ben Charash (Yalkut Shimoni; Veyechi) who chose to blind himself when he felt that he would be forced to come to bad deeds through the sight of his eyes, even though he was surely far from thinking of these things - as is clear in the story (see the story in Chizuk e-mail #46 on this page).

And if one does not distance himself from thinking about these things, his thoughts will also force him to seek out and lust after the deed. As we can see from the story in the Gemara (Avodah Zara 22b) of a non-Jew who bought a thigh of meat in the market place, cut into it, used it to pleasure himself, and then cooked it and ate it. This comes from being steeped in the aspect of "thought" which forced him to do these deeds even without seeing anything.

So we see, that with either of these two aspects, sight or thought, it becomes close to impossible for a person to control himself in this area. And it goes without saying that if one looks AND thinks about these things, he will be very weak when facing this desire. And it also goes without saying, that if one actually begins to taste from the bad, he will be completely given over into the hands of his desires.

To be continued...
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Free Hard Copy of GYE Handbook
 

Prefer a Hard Copy of the GYE Handbook?

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For questions and comments, please contact

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We are looking for donations to help with the printing and distribution of free handbooks for those who need. If you can help, please donate here and specify in the note that you are donating for the free handbooks. Tizke Lemitzvos!



For those of you who have been too afraid to order your FREE copy of the GYE Handbook, I wanted to show you exactly how we send it out.

Often we see notes to the sender which indicate people are very worried about others finding out what’s inside.

(B”H, we should all have that SAME FEAR before Hashem when the Yetzer Hara tempts us!)

The photo is exactly how the package is sent out, in a tamper-proof plain white envelope, with nothing to indicate it came from GYE.

Your address and my address are on the envelope, and that’s it!

ORDER TODAY and start your next steps to kedusha!

Yehuda

Member's Chizuk
 
Desire vs. Happiness
 
By the.guard

There is a huge difference between "fulfilling desires" and "happiness". Fulfilling desires is like scratching an "itch". It may feel like we need to. It may feel good while we do it, but scratching just makes the itch worse - and it brings no happiness whatsoever.

Read more
Announcements
 
 
The Chosson Shmooze - Full Archives
 

Rabbi Feuerman's Parsha shiurim are available here.

Do you think you may have a porn addiction?
 

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.

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