What about 'I'?
 
 
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1279  
 
 
In Today's Issue
   
Announcements: Matching Challenge - THANK YOU!
Image of the Day
Editor’s Note: The Kosher Ego
Practical Tips: Identification
Announcements: Help Wanted
12 Step Attitude: The New Drug
 
 
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Announcements
 
Matching Challenge - THANK YOU!
 

We'd like to thank all the GYE members who helped us raise $5,000 in time to complete the matching challenge of last week.

Thank you and Tizke Lemitzvos!

May the zechus of your donation be a merit to help you in your quest for purity, Midah Kineged Midah.

Image of the Day
 
Editor’s Note
 
The Kosher Ego

Do good with all your ego.

Say, “I need to make this happen.”

Say, “I have to see this done.”

Not only is this “I” permissible, it is crucial to your mission in life.

So when does ego become evil?

When it believes it is your mission in life.

Based on the talks by the Lubavitcher Rebbe, Terumah 5734:2. Torat Menachem 5752 vol. 1, pg. 241. Likutei Sichot vol. 33, pg. 118.

We felt that this was a proper introduction to the the discussion of the values of "I" below. Sometimes, in our false humility (which is the other side of the coin of false pride) we forget about our value. But the gemoroh calls for "shminis shebeshminis" of pride to be present. That's why the Torah was given on a mountain, albeit the lowest mountain: to teach us that humility and self-worth go hand in hand.

 

Practical Tips
 
Identification
 
Reprinted with permission from Mirror of Intimacy.
 
By Alexandra Katehakis, Staff Clinical Director, MFT, CSAT, CST

"Mirror of Intimacy" is a daily blog published by Center for Healthy Sex, offering professional help with sex and lust addiction.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"I wonder how many people I've looked at all my life and never seen."

~ John Steinbeck

It's been frequently noted that to tell anyone, "I love you," we need first be able to declare the "I." And only when we develop a personal identity may we respond personally to life. So identification with another and with life is an art that starts with identifying ourselves. But there's a risk to thinking of all that happens only in terms of ourselves. Solipsism, the antique philosophy affirming that the universe is knowable solely through the knower's unique perspective, may become unhealthy if it justifies personalizing everything to the point of self-absorption. Someone with a preoccupied attachment style filters the world through a distorted, unmeasured egocentrism. Such a person sees a partner's independent preferences in décor, friends, or movies as a threat to the relationship. Because enmeshment was the parenting style, autonomy was never encouraged or even permitted.

In fact, most people tend to identify themselves rather narcissistically through narrow personal preferences and patriotic allegiances. It seems bizarrely superficial to build an identity based on our taste for certain flavors, clothes, or locales. Doesn't it make better sense to affirm our true selves by identifying with the universal experiences of others beyond our range of sheltered familiarity? Humanity is not one-size-fits-all, and any definition of ourselves or of others which applies stereotypical experiences broadly must miss the richness of genuine human relatedness.

Participation in support groups or community events lets us identify with people we never thought of as similar. By letting down our guard, we begin to uncover shared humanity. Like checking a side-view mirror, observing those we usually disregard can expose our own psychological blind spots. When we identify with others' trials and tribulations, we often discover unexpected truths for ourselves that might never have been brought to light.

 
DAILY HEALTHY SEX ACTS
  • Today, use "I" statements in all your communications. Focus only on your knowable feelings and thoughts, instead of assuming you know what's true for anyone else.
  • Stop the judgments. They only serve to isolate you. Identify with everyone you encounter on their terms, not your interpretations of them, by listening carefully to their words as if each moment held special meaning. 
Announcements
 
Help Wanted
 

Dear GYE friends:

We are constantly trying to improve our operation to better serve the Jewish people and need some additional helping hands...

Please be in touch with us (help@gye.org.il) if you can help in a professional capacity with any of the following positions/tasks:

- Advertising campaigns manager

- Fundraiser

- Marketing

- Web-development / programming project manager

- Video productions

- Translations

- Graphic design

- Writers

- Website testers

12 Step Attitude
 

Continued from previous issue.

 
The New Drug
 
Part 2/3
 
By Obormottel

Pornography is bad for our youthnot only because it’s age-inappropriate and immodest and contradicts our frum values. It’s true that it damages the young and the innocent by introducing them to images and ideas that are far beyond their level of maturity; it distorts their understanding of what healthy sex is and perverts their expectations of what’s to come in the marital realm. But pornography is just as detrimental to mature adults. In fact, more and more people, religious and secular, men and women, young and not-so-young, have come to recognize and often experience for themselves porn use’s deleterious outcomes.

Read more
Do you think you may have a porn addiction?
 

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.

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