We'd like to thank all the GYE members who helped us raise $5,000 in time to complete the matching challenge of last week.

Thank you and Tizke Lemitzvos!

May the zechus of your donation be a merit to help you in your quest for purity, Midah Kineged Midah.

It's been frequently noted that to tell anyone, "I love you," we need first be able to declare the "I." And only when we develop a personal identity may we respond personally to life. So identification with another and with life is an art that starts with identifying ourselves. But there's a risk to thinking of all that happens only in terms of ourselves. Solipsism, the antique philosophy affirming that the universe is knowable solely through the knower's unique perspective, may become unhealthy if it justifies personalizing everything to the point of self-absorption. Someone with a preoccupied attachment style filters the world through a distorted, unmeasured egocentrism. Such a person sees a partner's independent preferences in décor, friends, or movies as a threat to the relationship. Because enmeshment was the parenting style, autonomy was never encouraged or even permitted.

In fact, most people tend to identify themselves rather narcissistically through narrow personal preferences and patriotic allegiances. It seems bizarrely superficial to build an identity based on our taste for certain flavors, clothes, or locales. Doesn't it make better sense to affirm our true selves by identifying with the universal experiences of others beyond our range of sheltered familiarity? Humanity is not one-size-fits-all, and any definition of ourselves or of others which applies stereotypical experiences broadly must miss the richness of genuine human relatedness.

Participation in support groups or community events lets us identify with people we never thought of as similar. By letting down our guard, we begin to uncover shared humanity. Like checking a side-view mirror, observing those we usually disregard can expose our own psychological blind spots. When we identify with others' trials and tribulations, we often discover unexpected truths for ourselves that might never have been brought to light.

Dear GYE friends:

We are constantly trying to improve our operation to better serve the Jewish people and need some additional helping hands...

Please be in touch with us (help@gye.org.il) if you can help in a professional capacity with any of the following positions/tasks:

- Advertising campaigns manager

- Fundraiser

- Marketing

- Web-development / programming project manager

- Video productions

- Translations

- Graphic design

- Writers

- Website testers

Pornography is bad for our youthnot only because it’s age-inappropriate and immodest and contradicts our frum values. It’s true that it damages the young and the innocent by introducing them to images and ideas that are far beyond their level of maturity; it distorts their understanding of what healthy sex is and perverts their expectations of what’s to come in the marital realm. But pornography is just as detrimental to mature adults. In fact, more and more people, religious and secular, men and women, young and not-so-young, have come to recognize and often experience for themselves porn use’s deleterious outcomes.

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.