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  Breaking Free Chizuk #1276  
 
 
In Today's Issue
   
Announcements: Matching Challenge - THANK YOU!
12 Step Attitude: 12-Step Workshop With Harvey
Announcements: Help Wanted
Chizuk: GYE Theme Song :)
Rabbi Twerski: Shekker HaChein
Sayings: The school of life
Links: Film Review: "Pornography: Confronting the Addiction"
 
 
90 Day Journey
 
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Announcements
 
Matching Challenge - THANK YOU!
 

We'd like to thank all the GYE members who helped us raise $5,000 in time to complete the matching challenge of last week.

Thank you and Tizke Lemitzvos!

May the zechus of your donation be a merit to help you in your quest for purity, Midah Kineged Midah.

12 Step Attitude
 
12-Step Workshop With Harvey
 
Part 5/5
 
By GYE

I had the unique opportunity to join a 12-Step workshop with Harvey, one of the founders of SA (Sexaholics Anonymous)... He's sober for 26 years from a raging sex addiction that was completely out of control. Harvey is Jewish and semi-religious (he puts on teffilin every day) but he said that he definitely believes in miracles, because splitting the Yam Suf was "easy pickin" compared to G-d getting him sober :-)

I took some notes from the talks, and I'd like to share some of the wisdom that I heard from him. Here are some of the things he said:

For the past few days I've been bringing some of the wisdom I heard from him, and today we bring you a live recording from his talk (under five minutes).

Download a recording of Harvey talking about the 11th Step over here.

The recording is not so clear, but I transcripted what he said below. The reason I found it so moving was because twice, while talking, tears filled Harvey's eyes and his voice broke (once at 2:45 and once at 4:02 in the sound file). That is how real our relationship with G-d needs to be.

The 11th Step says: "We sought through prayer and meditation to improve our conscious contact with God as we understood Him, praying only for knowledge of His will for us and the power to carry that out."

Read article
Announcements
 
Help Wanted
 

Dear GYE friends:

We are constantly trying to improve our operation to better serve the Jewish people and need some additional helping hands...

Please be in touch with us (help@gye.org.il) if you can help in a professional capacity with any of the following positions/tasks:

- Advertising campaigns manager

- Fundraiser

- Marketing

- Web-development / programming project manager

- Video productions

- Translations

- Graphic design

- Writers

- Website testers

Chizuk
 
GYE Theme Song :)
 
By GYE

One of GYE's favorite Motto's on the forum (from the old-days) was:

"Keep On Truckin'!"

Someone sent us this song (click the link above) and they suggested that we make it into GYE's theme song!

Rabbi Twerski
 
Shekker HaChein
 
By Twerski, Rabbi Dr. Avraham

Question:

I am currently struggling with lust and addiction. Not recovery, but continuously struggling. Some days are better then others. I need to work on myself and I know I have the wrong train of thought, but I am hoping that marriage will help change some of that lust into true feelings and meaning.

My reason for writing this is my concern in my impartial decision making ability. Specifically, I have been going out with a girl for a while now and I am deeply attracted to her personality. I enjoy our time together, our conversations of deep meaning, and I have absolutely no physical attraction to her. Maybe this is the way Hashem is trying to repay me but I am not sure what to do. Is vision of physical beauty something that is truly important. I tend to think that that is one of the most ideals of marriage; again I stress that I may may have my ideals distorted. How important is this? Is attraction that important? Can I overcome this and look at the big picture? Will this matter in 5, 10, 25, 50 years? I feel like no one will really understand how much this would really matter to me.

I look at my friends that are married and see them gawking at other girls. I ask them "aren't you married?" When I get a casual brush off like "I'm married not dead" or "I can look but not touch". I don't EVER want to be able say that. I want to be so attracted to my wife that I will have no reason to look anywhere else because I know that I cannot be satisfied in any other way. To have the mindset to know that I am in love with a beautiful women that lives me will keep me away from ever going off any cliff. THAT is what I feel I need to rid myself of this curse (along with Hashem and Tefilah).

So how can I entertain the possibility of continuing to date someone that I have no attraction to? Because I am inside the picture, and only someone that has lived inside this picture and now stands on the outside can give me a true meaningful interpretation and reflect the big picture that I am missing. Please offer some insight. (Preferably before the Shadchan calls me and tells me that it's time to propose).

--Yosef

Answer:

Let me share with you my observation of many years of experience.

My most valuable teaching in psychiatry came from a buddy, with whom I was discussing a patient. He interrupted me, saying, “Twerski, stop talking logic!” He was right. I was dealing with an emotional problem, trying to apply logic. Emotions are not subject to logic, nor are facts subject to logic.

You comment about friends who look at other women even though they are married. The fact is that their wives may be exceedingly beautiful, but this does not stop them from looking at other women. But if their wives are so attractive, why do they look at other women? That is a logical question. Whatever causes a man to gaze at other women is not affected by his wife’s beauty.

I had a case of a man who was married to a model of stunning beauty. He was attracted to other women and developed a sex addiction. On the other hand, I knew a man whose wife was terribly unattractive, but he was madly in love with her.

We are all subject to the influence of the yetzer hara, which is a powerful but totally irrational force. To repeat, if you have a tendency to look at other women, it will not be lessened if your wife is Miss America.. But why is that? Because the yetzer hara does not follow logic.

As far as your personal relationship is concerned, there is truth in the dictum, “Beauty is in the eyes of the beholder.” King Solomon was the wisest of all men, and he said, “”False is charm and vain is beauty; a G-d fearing woman is praised” (Proverbs 31).

We live in a society which emphasizes physical beauty. So many of the Hollywood beauties are unfortunately sick. The goddess of beauty, Marilyn Monroe, committed suicide.

If you will have a sincere love for your wife’s character and praise her for her personality and her relationship to G-d, she will be beautiful to you.

Books have been written about dealing with the yetzer hara. This is a life-long struggle with a force that seeks to destroy a person. We each have to search for ways to neutralize this destructive force.

Logic suggests that physical appearance is important. Experience tells us otherwise.

Sayings
 
 
In school, they teach you a lesson and give you a test.  In life, you are given a test to teach you a lesson.
 
Links
 

This link will take you to a site outside of GYE network (posarc.com). While we vetted this site to ensure it conatins no objectionable imagery, viewer discretion is advised.

The PoSARC site is dedicated to helping spouse of sex addicts. If you have discovered that your partner (or spouse) has been using pornography, cybersex, strip clubs, massage parlors, having affairs, using prostitutes or escort services, we know how these betrayals can traumatize you. PoSARC was created as a resource center to help you regain your strength and heal using the trauma treatment model rather than the co-addict model. 

Film Review: "Pornography: Confronting the Addiction"
Do you think you may have a porn addiction?
 

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.

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