E-Mail Subject: GYE speaks in a human voice
 
 
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1896  
 
 
In Today's Issue
   
Announcements: The First PA 12-Step Phone Conference
Testimonials: Human Voice
Chizuk: Never Let Down Your Guard
Daily Dose of Dov: Why I Daven for the Lady I Lusted For
 
 
90 Day Journey
 
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Announcements
 
The First PA 12-Step Phone Conference
 
Exciting Announcement: The First PA 12-Step Phone Conference is Starting!
 

Have you considered joining the Porn Anonymous (PA) 12-Step program, but couldn't attend a local live group? Now it’s possible to get started via phone conference meetings led by an old-time 12-Stepper - Elya K.


The phone meeting will take place every Sunday 11:00 AM (EST).

All newcomers are encouraged to join, as well as members of the program who already attending live meetings.

For call-in info, fill out the short form at this link or email us: help@pornanonymous.org

The program starts on Sunday, August 5th 11:00 AM (EST).

Don’t miss this opportunity to start the program, this could very well be what you've been waiting for!

Testimonials
 
Human Voice
 
By Kanesher

B'Erev Yalin Bechi, vla'Baboker rina!

I posted last night on this forum for the first time about my struggles. I went to sleep feeling silly for posting. But this morning I woke up and there you all are. So many sincere and heartfelt responses!

You know, the underlying essence of the internet is that it's the human voice. People used to perhaps be promiscuous in the depths of their hearts, but they could never act on it because of social norms. Well, the internet has broken down those norms and lets everyone speak freely and anonymously.

And that is the horror - in my "room of rooms" when there no moreh shamayim k'moreh bney adam - well, the human voice isn't so very pleasant to hear, is it?

And I recently saw another website that seemed geared to the frum community and I was horrified; the prustkite seemed to be totally without shame ...and I asked myself - is that all we are? Is everyone a faker - just like myself - and not even ashamed of it?

But here on GYE is another voice. The voice of all of you. Here, free from posturing and kavod - how genuine you all are! Here, where no can see, where none will gain shidduch points or honor...

Thank you, for making me believe in an ideal again.

Chizuk
 
Never Let Down Your Guard
 
By Alan

Hi, I'm an addict. Although I've been clean for quite some time now I still call myself an addict and not a recovering addict. Let me explain myself with a story.

The Kotzker Rebbe once had a talmid who thought he was ready to tackle the real world. "Let me go out into the world of business" he asked his Rebbe. The Kotzker replied, "Do you see the Malach Hamaves (Angel of Death) standing behind you with a sword?" The talmid replied with an honest "No". The Kotzker said, "that means he already cut off your head".

I think the point is clear. You can't let your guard down. Hitting 90 days doesn't make you invulnerable to new attacks. Just because you haven't fallen doesn't mean you are not about to. The Kotzker was pointing out to us, that as soon as we fail to realize that we are in a place of nisayon and in constant danger, then that is when we lose the battle.

Remember, he's behind you with the sword, because if not, he has already cut off your head.

Daily Dose of Dov
 
Why I Daven for the Lady I Lusted For
 
Dov often talks about a technique he uses when he sees someone who triggers lust; he prays for them! (after turning away of course). Here, Dov describes why this works for him and others in SA.
 
By Dov

Ok. It does a few things. First and strangest, I owe something to the person I am lusting after because lusting is always an act of "taking". I am using their image for selfish ends. (And saying that "They are obviously begging for it cuz look at how they are dressed!" is BS. I am reasonably certain that the average slutty female out there intends to be lusted after by who they want to be lusted after, not by some compulsive, perverted Jew boy like me.) So how better to show my gratitude?


Second, lusting is the single most powerful, portable, and dependable way I exercise my MEEEEE muscle (the one in my head, not somewhere else). It is my drug of choice for entertaining myself, for covering up stress, fear, and boredom, for controlling my inner environment - in short, it is my most trusted Power source. Otherwise, why would I use it so much? So how do I sacrifice it? By just saying "no"? Nu. OK. That's what I always tried to do.. it didn't get me very far away from it. If you know anything about operand conditioning or habits, then you know that I choose to go a step further and use my lust as a guide and tool for giving power to others. To helping me learn to care about helping others. What better way to weaken the MEEEEE muscle than to do what little I can to care about the very people I naturally worship as my (false) Power Source? I turn the tables as much as I can.

Finally, it gives me something to focus on rather than on lusting. And that itself is worth everything, even if my prayers for her are of no benefit to her. Treating a lust object like the real, live person they are is one of the most powerful tools to help me to stop looking at them like pieces of meat (with skin on them). We need to be reoriented. The entertainment and porn industries have succeeded in getting so many of us to believe deep in our hearts that pretty women are all dolls; that above all else they are libidos desperate to be used by us; and that they don't have real lives with obligations, pains, joys, sadness, and dreams of real people... and that perspective entitles us in our hearts to treat them as objects. Is it any wonder then, that most lust addicts grow to expect (no, demand) sexual bliss from their wives as though their feelings are just an obstacle? I looked into the shulchan aruch to see what I could demand of my wife, rather than looking into her heart... now what kind of BS is that? No wonder we were so miserable back then! She was an object, in some respect.

We need exercises to change, it will not happen just because we wish it to. And it takes a long, long time. But it works and it is worth it.

A caveat: I was once walking with an SA beginner who was staring at the rear end of a lady out in front of us, and mumbling. I asked him what the heck he was doing. He told me that he was praying for her.... I reminded him that he might be praying for her butt, but not for her. Ha. We both had a laugh went on our way. So the praying can't be done as an excuse to keep staring! A sweet dufus, he was.

Do you think you may have a porn addiction?
 

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.

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