Living in the Now
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1892  
In Today's Issue
Image of the Day: Live in the Now
Testimonials: I've just been in denial
Sayings: Trying to pray is praying.
Daily Dose of Dov: I Haven't Got it All Figured Out
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Image of the Day
Live in the Now
Live in the Now
I've just been in denial
By Yesodos

I have recently joined this forum. Writing this brings tears to my eyes, because I have never been able to ask for help in this area before. This is the start of breaking an 11 year habit, something that makes me both proud and humble, as well as very, very ashamed. I've always been too embarrassed of my addiction to ever get any help face-to-face, and deep down I've lost the belief that I can make a lasting change in this area.

I saw the website for the first time on shiva asar betammuz, and I was amazed that there was so much help available to me to get out of my crushing addiction, as well as kindhearted people who are building this site and building the participants along with it. It has kindled the hope inside me that I can face down this challenge, overcome it, and eventually destroy it.

I guess, if I'm honest, my main motivation to break the habit is the fear of somebody finding out about it, especially my wife. I'm scared that it will cause me to lose my job, reputation, marriage and children. I'm even scared that she is somehow going to read this post, find out that it's me writing, and get the shock of her life that she is married to a porn addict. The fact that I would consider losing everything I hold dear for the sake of some stupid, cheap thrill, amazes me. I am amazed at my own stupidity. I guess this proves that I'm an addict - I never thought of myself that way until now. I've just been in denial.

Every single Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur has been filled with regret for my addiction, and yet still nothing has changed yet. I've improved in many different areas, but I actually feel that in this area I've sunk even lower in recent years. I would love this year to be different. - perhaps you guys can help me ensure that it will be?


A few days later, Yesodos writes:

I want everyone to know that I'm fighting here, and I couldn't do it without you all. It's a funny sort of fight now, because I was craving to act out but whilst I'm posting here I feel myself slowly reentering reality, and the fantasy world of the menuvel slowly melts away. This is a very encouraging development. I also know that after counting day after day to get to 90 days, it would be devastating to be back on zero and break my clean streak.

I love the handbooks. I realize now that I am not running away from the Yetzer, but am running towards the loving embrace of my Father in Heaven, who is looking on with pride as He removes the hold of the Yetzer from upon me.

Chazal say, 'I'm poga bcho menuvel ze mochheihu lebais hamidrash - if the Yetzer Hara meets up with you, drag him to the Beis Medrash'. I wonder whether part of the idea behind that is not just that LEARNING is the key to overpowering the yetzer, but perhaps the idea of dragging the Yetzer Hara into the PUBLIC FORUM of a "Torahdik" atmosphere is what does the trick. I'm sure this observation has occurred to everyone else already, but I guess I'm new here so please excuse me! In which case, I have just successfully dragged the yetzer into the Beis Medrash, and chazal's words have been proven true once again. The Yetzer Hara loses another day!

I LOVE GuardYourEyes!!!

Trying to pray is praying.
Daily Dose of Dov
I Haven't Got it All Figured Out
By Dov

I have never told anyone that he needs the 12 steps. Instead, I have always gone out of my way to defend recovery methods other than the 12 steps. I need to do that as I'll try to explain later. I guess some folks hear me echoing " use the 12 steps! " because they know my history and they actually do not believe for a minute that I am truly and fully open to other d'rachim to sanity and HKB"H. Well, too bad. I am.

The day I begin to view the way that worked for me as the only way to a true relationship with my own G-d (which is the very definition of recovery according the the 12th step) is the day I will lose my sobriety. That's because it will mean that I have become an 'authority' or 'expert'. Then I have taken Hashem's place. It will mean that I believe I am the one running my recovery. Uh-oh. Ein bracha metzuyah ella b'davar hasamui min ha'ayin - that means that as long as I view the recovery as a gift from Hashem it'll work. When I 'have it all figured out' - where's the gift from Hashem? I got it all figured out! And I figure that'd mean that I really believe that I manufacture it - and can get others there.

The 12 step attitude that I was m'kabel is this: I cannot even keep myself sober - really - so how can I get you sober?! Hashem needs to do it for me... maybe you can do it for yourself, maybe not. Who am I to know what you can or cannot do? That's how I was sponsored and sponsor others. I do not ever keep them sober. Hashem does if they let Him, and if He wants to. (I assume He usually does ... but that's another discussion that you can see more of in s'forim like Mei Hashiloach and elsewhere)

And if I haven't 'got it all figured out' , then I must be open to other d'rachim!

And just for the record, my Program taught me that I can actually ask Hashem to give me recovery through His Torah, and I believe that would be what they call 'my chelek in Torah'. It is starting to teach me self-honesty. Since I view my problem as mostly a mental disease, I consider 12 step recovery as purely "Derech Eretz" which is kodmah laTorah. Meaning, before I approach His Torah, I need some sanity. As in "nosein chochma lachakeemin". And it is working nicely so far b"H. Not for everyone, that's for sure, but I love it and so do those close to me.

Do you think you may have a porn addiction?

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit (Hebrew: / Yiddish:

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit

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