Rigzu - get mad at your Yetzer. If that doesn't work, then fix your mind on -

V’al techta’u - I will not sin, no matter what.

Imru bilvavchem al mishkavchem - make a physical Siman or barrier on your bed, and then -

Vedomu - lie stone-still, don't move, even to the point of Selah - even if it's all night.

They were drunk although not with wine, they staggered although they drank no ale (Isaiah 29:9).

Ester, my dear child,

it's tough.

Life's tough.

It's how I created This World.

But so are you. Tougher than you think you are.

I know how tough it is, and I know how much you're hurting. I feel your pain. Nevertheless, I'm disappointed in you. Not for failing, no, I created human beings this way - fallible. Accept it. It's to be expected. I see your regret. I see your guilt. I see your shame. I know how real the struggle is. I know how overwhelming life feels. You're okay.

Why, then, am I disappointed? Because you're not accepting all of this. You know better. Stop letting the guilt, shame, and regret pull you down. That is something you can do! You can use this power to grow. I've given you so much potential, you can do it! I'm disappointed that you don't believe that. Because it’s not the failures or the struggle pulling you down. It’s the lack of belief.

Yes, you've made mistakes. Everyone has. And yes, you've made these "mistakes" intentionally. Again, you're not alone. Why are you so harsh on yourself? I've given you a great gift - when you use it, not only do I forgive and forget, I cherish that act of returning so so much! Right now, I want you to believe in the light and in yourself. I want you to see the potential I've given you. That's the first step. I know how difficult it is for you to reach out. But it's all part of the process, my beautiful child. All part of the road to actualizing all the good you have inside you. I know it's tough, and feels like I'm torturing you. I know. But you know how satisfying it is when you manage to do something when it’s difficult, don't you? You're so familiar with it, I'm proud of that! There is no one that loves you like I do. I know you can't feel that right now, and that's normal. I want you to know it anyway.

Why is it all so tough? Answers are up here - one day you'll know why, but now is not that time. Trust yourself, my precious child, trust that I created you with the tools to manage. Trust me, even though it doesn't feel right. Trust the people I send your way, even though it feels wrong. I want you to be happy. You're good, and I can't wait for you to see that. Then, you can grow even more, and achieve all the amazing things I have in store for you.

Believe in yourself, like I know you can. Like you know I do. Don't stop trying, don't stop wanting, and don't give up. I've got your back. I'll pick you up when you fall, I'll help you pick up the pieces. You're worth too much to me to give up. You can do it, and you will do it. Just keep on getting up, don't ever give up. I love you. I'm here. And I'm watching out for you.

Your loving Father and King, your Creator.

There are three things to consider:

1) First of all, from a spiritual perspective, no Jewish person wants to live in the mud. Your soul is crying inside you, begging you to remember why you came down to this world for this short life-time that will affect your ETERNITY.

2) Secondly, it is important to understand how addiction works to realize how dangerous it is for us. While acting-out, neurotransmitters called dopamine flood the brain (similar to heroin use). When the doses are too high, as is the case with habitual porn viewing, the brain adjusts to restore balance by reducing the amount of dopamine available. This causes a decreasing amount of pleasure experienced. So we need to consume larger amounts of porn and potentially more graphic images to receive the pleasure we had before. Lower dopamine levels can make us feel depressed, causing us to go back to porn to stimulate more. It is a cycle.

The good news is that when we quit, the brain readjusts and corrects its dopamine levels. It’s simply a matter of breaking the cycle by not feeding the appetite. In time, the appetite will decline by not feeding it. As our sages have said: "There is a small organ in a man, if one feeds it - it is hungry, if one starves it - it is satiated". The most difficult days are in the beginning. It will gradually get better. Scientific studies show that it takes about 90 days to change the neuron pathways in the brain created by addictive behaviors. Take the leap of faith with GYE’s 90 day chart - TODAY.

3) Addictions never get better, only worse. An addict will usually not change unless they get into some sort of crisis. Unfortunately, that crisis will eventually come - it’s known as “Hitting Bottom”.

But does this mean that a person must lose everything, their marriage, their job and their honor and literally be suicidal before they will be ready to change?

This issue discussed in beautiful clarity and detail in the 12 Steps and 12 Traditions:

In A.A.'s pioneering time, none but the most desperate cases could swallow and digest this unpalatable truth. Even these "last-gaspers" often had difficulty in realizing how hopeless they actually were. But a few did, and when these laid hold of A.A. principles with all the fervor with which the drowning seize life preservers, they almost invariably got well. That is why the first edition of the book "Alcoholics Anonymous," published when our membership was small, dealt with low-bottom cases only. Many less desperate alcoholics tried A.A., but did not succeed because they could not make the admission of hopelessness.

It is a tremendous satisfaction to record that in the following years this changed. Alcoholics who still had their health, their families, their jobs, and even two cars in the garage, began to recognize their alcoholism. As this trend grew, they were joined by young people who were scarcely more than potential alcoholics.  They were spared that last ten or fifteen years of literal hell the rest of us had gone through. Since Step One requires an admission that our lives have become unmanageable, how could people such as these take this Step?

It was obviously necessary to raise the bottom the rest of us had hit to the point where it would hit them. By going back in our own drinking histories, we could show that years before we realized it we were out of control, that our drinking even then was no mere habit, that it was indeed the beginning of a fatal progression. To the doubters we could say, "Perhaps you're not an alcoholic after all. Why don't you try some more controlled drinking, bearing in mind meanwhile what we have told you about alcoholism?" This attitude brought immediate and practical results. It was then discovered that when one alcoholic had planted in the mind of another the true nature of his malady, that person could never be the same again. Following every spree, he would say to himself, "Maybe those A.A.'s were right . . ." After a few such experiences, often years before the onset of extreme difficulties, he would return to us convinced. He had hit bottom as truly as any of us.

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.