Are You Worth It?
 
 
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1878  
 
 
In Today's Issue
   
Image of the Day
Chizuk: Dr. Seuss on Recovery from Addiction
Editor’s Note: From our readers
Announcements: Emunah from the Inside Out
Daily Dose of Dov: Are You Worth It?
 
 
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Image of the Day
 
Chizuk
 
Dr. Seuss on Recovery from Addiction
 
By GYE

You have brains in your head.

You have feet in your shoes.

You can steer yourself wherever you choose.

You're on your own, and you know what you know.

And you are the guy who'll decide where to go.

Editor’s Note
 
From our readers

These emails to the editor came in response to yesterday's issue ("I'm not attracted to my wife," #1877).

By R' S.:

"There are many things to say to the young fellow who feels that he is not attracted to his wife. I would like to share just one point. It is not true that if you do not enjoy her looks today, that it will have to remain that way. Looks are in the eye of the beholder. This means that no person is objectively handsom, good-looking, attractive etc. It all depends on the subjective opinion of who is looking. The media and the entertainment world would like to have us think that there is an absolute criteria for beauty but it is just propaganda for the sake of their selfish needs.

"Therefore, if you truly love your wife, which you say you do, it behooves you to work on slowly developing an appreciation for her looks. Look at her like you have never looked at her before.

"Just a side point that my grandmother told a very large and heavy woman: I like you like that, there is more of you to love!"

By ES:

"In my humble opinion, I would add to Rabbi Feuerman's response. 

"I am no therapist, but I would recommend that the husband invest in his wife's beauty by buying her things which will make her feel more attractive to him. It will accomplish two things:

It will encourage him to try to find her as attractive as he can since he will want a positive return on his investment. 

It will encourage her to think that her husband already finds her attractive, so she can be confident to continue the motion and make herself even more attractive and be guaranteed a positive response."

 

Thank you for your contribution to the discussion!

Announcements
 
Emunah from the Inside Out
 

What Drives Compulsion?
Addictions & Emuna From the Inside Out
Two-part fascinating workshop/shiur Mon. June 25 and July 2

Join us to learn how a new relationship with stress, fear, highs, and lows supports unconditional calm and resilience.

One thing that drives compulsion is the desire for relief from chronic distress: it's a helpful escape. But what if a person wasn't frightened by distressing thoughts? If he saw them as weather passing thru - that required no escape, that pass on their own?

This is possible through an understanding of Emunah from the Inside Out.

Despite the perception that all kinds of people, circumstances, and events gladden, sadden, and pressure us, there is only and always one cause and one moment sourcing our experience: HKBH, right now.

Join this fascinating two-part series with Rabbi Henry Harris, Founder/Director of the Jewish Center for Wellbeing, respected counselor and speaker, and former Educational Director of Aish HaTorah NY.

Short video samples: https://www.jewishcenterforwellbeing.com/spark.html

When: 12-1:15pm EST, Mondays June 25 & July 2

Live Teleconference: 515-604-9988, code 100167#

Cost: Free

From Israel: 055-966-1090, 100167#

From England: 0330 998 1256, 100167#

Daily Dose of Dov
 
Are You Worth It?
 
Part 1/3
 
By Dov

Someone wrote on the forum:

I am a young married guy and I am desperate for help. I have been married almost 3 years and all this time I have had a problem with pornography, masturbation, and infidelity. My wife wants to leave me.... We tried therapy but just can't come down to the reason why I have done the things I did.

This is my last resort. I am turn here to GYE for help and guidance with this. I don't want to lose her, I want to start a family and my selfishness and problems are just pushing everything away.

Please, please help me.


Dov Responds:

Dear friend - my life was also a mess and I saw no way out. I have been sober for 14 years and our marriage is better than it ever was. So is my life. Have you found resources?

As far as counseling goes, I went to a psychotherapist when my wife found me out. We were getting divorced, it seemed. He convinced us that beyond a marriage problem, I had a big problem, so we agreed that I'd work on that for a while, then we'd tackle the marriage issue and decide if we should divorce, or not.

The shrink was flabbergasted every time I'd act out with lust! He just couldn't figure it out, and neither could I. I just knew that I needed it more than I needed my marriage. Period.

When I finally got desperate enough to get into serious recovery (and after switching shrinks), I got sober in a 12-Step fellowship and got the help I needed. The dust started to clear over the next 1-2 years, and things slowly got better at the same time. And by the way, I never needed to figure out why I did the crazy lust stuff and why I can't stop. For all I know I still can't stop! I got help because I can't do it . I tried for a long time. How long have you tried for? How's it working?

I still need help because I still can't do it - but am sober one day at a time so far and without any 'pressure building up'...and every single aspect of life is better this year than it was last year, no shayloh.

It was not easy, but what's that got to do with it? To me, the only question is: "Am I worth it?"

Are you ?

To be continued...
Do you think you may have a porn addiction?
 

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.

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