Learn from the mistakes of others
  Breaking free chizuk #1874  
In Today's Issue
Testimonials: Reaching 90 Days
Torah: Sefer Hachassidim (173)
Sayings: Others' Mistakes
Daily Dose of Dov: Counting Days Can Backfire for Real Addicts
90 Day Journey
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Reaching 90 Days
By Heemircho
By GYE Member

B”H, yesterday I reached the 90-day mark. There is no question that the competitive nature of the 90-day chart and award system with different levels helped me jumpstart the process. Part of my issue was that I was seemingly the only one who cared about my success in Kedusha-related matters. As soon as I got to GYE and joined the chats, probably the third question everyone asks is “how many days sober are you?” This is powerful motivation even if you are not sure what you are able to do. People care and it makes a difference. Everyone has one goal, which is to stay sober.

Another tremendous thing is the breadth of knowledge available on GYE. Personally, I like to research fully everything I do and I always enjoy seeing various approaches. GYE is a virtual Beis Medrash. Not only can you find chavrusas to learn all the Sugyas related to Kedusha, but you can get advice from the greatest Roshei Yeshivos in these fields. I am not going to go into specifics, but suffice it to say there is sage advice on any question imaginable on the forums.

The tools I use on a day to day basis can be broken down into three categories.
One: avoiding triggering situations. The daily chizuk emails are a great reminder in general of Shemiras Einayim.
Two: mitigating triggers so as not to compromise my control in the face of a triggering situation. For example, if I am feeling stressed, I have learned to relieve that stress as soon as possible before my body decides to try to relieve it with a lust attack.
Three: reaching out to friends I made when I am going through a tough phase.

I am greatly indebted to GYE, the directors, administrators, donors, members, and all those affiliated. Thank you from the bottom of my heart.

Sefer Hachassidim (173)
By Anonymous

Should a sin come to a person, he should think to himself that if they would decree upon him to convert he would willingly let himself be killed for Kiddush Hashem, so if he would let himself be killed - which is such a difficult test to withstand, how much more so should he not let himself sin in this far easier test!

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Learn from the mistakes of others. You can't live long enough to make them all yourself. -Eleanor Roosevelt
Daily Dose of Dov
Counting Days Can Backfire for Real Addicts
By Dov

Might you be pitted against a greater foe than you estimate? One day clean, then three days clean, then one day.... What is happening here? Is it all about racking the days up? Is it a game? I honestly believe that a game is what many folks make it... and strangely, that method may work just fine for them and I have no criticism for them at all.But: is it working for you ?

All my crying, klopping al cheit and wishing I'd succeed does not make me really serious about this 'battle'. Taking it seriously does. And sincerity alone, has never won any battles. I needed real help and to take real measures to start really getting better "inside". Till then, nothing of any real consequence happened. Nothing but ping-pong.... and regarding ping-pong:

A string of clean days once in a while is very nice, but this business of counting the days can sometimes be one of the strongest weapons that tayva/lust addiction/the YH/self-defeating behavior (or whatever you wish to call it) has against you. I believe that the one thing that some of us can do to practically assure that we will fail again and just shlep along till we get really messed up, is to count the days clean. We are just letting the pressure build up without making any true inner change.

I am not posting this to you because it sounds good, nor just because it makes sense to me...but only because I have experienced it myself. Counting seems to be helpful for some people - yet total poison for others.

It starts with one
... and it ends with one .

The days we stay clean do not really 'add up'. They are over as soon as it is the next day. I have never seen a pile of days anywhere? Have you? As the sefer Gesher Hachayim tells us (and as Hashem tells us in the Sh'ma when He says, "Hayom" a few times), our time here is made of one thing: now . The past is over and the future hasn't happened to us yet. So there is no such thing as "being clean for two days," at all. It is just a fantasy.... and fantasy is apparently not your friend, nor is it mine.

It does seem to help other folks, but we need to look at what we are doing and admit if it works, or not, for us.

Do you think you may have a porn addiction?

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.

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