The Patterns of Life
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1864  
In Today's Issue
Announcements: Recording of Duvid Chaim's Call - Rabbi Shafier
Torah: The Patterns of Life
Sayings: Act as if.
12 Step Attitude: The 12-Steps in Practice
90 Day Journey
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Still Clean Had a fall
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Recording of Duvid Chaim's Call - Rabbi Shafier

Thursday May 24th at Noon EST

Special Guest Speaker - R. Ben Tzion Shafier

On the Guard Your Eyes Conference Call


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The Patterns of Life

Parshat Kedoshim rounds out the Torah's treatment of sexual offences by listing the consequences of engaging in the various forbidden sexual relationships outlined in Parshat Acharei Mot.

One of the major hallmarks of a "modern society" is that it stays out of people's bedrooms. What goes on behind closed doors between consenting adults is no one else's concern. But we have gone way beyond the decision not to police sexual activity. Dedication to the promotion of human rights and respect for individual choice has influenced us to positively sanction relationships that were taboo not long ago, and even to extend legal recognition to unorthodox sexual arrangements. Same sex marriages are not an unusual phenomenon. We are no longer talking about events behind closed doors.

The Torah rules regarding sexual conduct are a stark contrast to all this.

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Act as if.
12 Step Attitude
The 12-Steps in Practice
Part 1/2
Another great piece by Boruch explaining what the 12-Step groups provide that Musar Sefarim don't.
By Boruch

Addicts have a problem -- their addiction. I had a problem -- my addiction and my inability to overcome it.

Convictions got us nowhere. I had plenty of convictions. I was learning sifrei musar regularly and seriously for 20 years. Had I been in control, no doubt I would have done very well on convictions. But convictions solved nothing for me because I was not in control. That was the problem with my addiction.

I desperately needed a solution. I had tried willpower, filters, accountability software. I had told my therapist. And I was fast running out of options. And not long after I finally gave up the images for good in a fit of rage (as I posted on the forum), I discovered that my addiction was really to Lust.

It's like someone who every day eats a whole Pizza Pie for Breakfast, 30 hot dogs for lunch and 20 burgers for supper. The guy is absolutely convinced that he is addicted to junk food. Then one day, in deteriorating health, he decides with all his might that he is giving up junk food for ever. Never again. And next morning he finds that he is eating 10 bowls of whole-wheat cereal for breakfast, 30 bowls of organic pasta for lunch and 20 plates of roast beef for supper. He was not addicted to junk food, he was addicted to food.

And I was not addicted to viewing images, I was addicted to lust. And as much as I was off the images, I was unable to stop lusting and fighting, lusting and fighting. I had no control. And there was nothing in the musar seforim that could give it back to me.

When I learnt musar I was like a first-grader trying to learn to stop throwing things at the teacher by learning sefer Chovos Halevovos. And it was not working.

I am going to be honest with you, extreme as it may sound.

It was not Sha'ar Ha'Bechina that I was missing or Sha'ar Avodas Elokim.

I was missing Shaar "Al tehiy kibheimo" (The Gate of "Don't Be Like an Animal")

And I did not need the first grade level of Shaar "Al tehiy kibheimo", I needed the "less than beheimo" level.

Something that was so simple, dumbed-down and foolproof that my Yetzer Hara was not able to complicate it.

Yes, I could understand the most difficult, complex and abstract musar, and even get very enthusiastic about it, but if I was going to be able to put anything into practice, it had to be short, sharp, to the point, and so easy that there could be no excuses.

Something that would take up no more than 10 lines and consist of no more than three action items.

Something ready to implement right away.

Something that the Yetzer Hara could not convince me out of, once I was determined.

To be continued...
Do you think you may have a porn addiction?

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit (Hebrew: / Yiddish:

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit

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