The Difference between chometz and matza
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1833  
In Today's Issue
Torah: The Difference Between Chametz and Matzah
Practical Tips: Homeopathic remedy
Text: How to Determine if You are a Sex Addict?
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The Difference Between Chametz and Matzah
Understanding the Core of the 12-Steps
By GYE Corp.

The 3rd step states: "We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to the care of God as we understood Him".

In the past we tried to explain how this works: Instead of retaining the lust and trying to give up our will to Hashem, we surrender the lust itself to Hashem!

Someone wrote us an e-mail trying to understand this better:

"The reason I find it hard to stop lusting is because I've abandoned the behavior but not the lust itself. But I read the explanation and practical application of Step 3 in the Chizuk e-mails in the past and I can't seem to make it work. I just repeat the words of "working the step" in my mind, but my heart still lusts.

I find that I can avoid acting out by reminding myself of quite a variety of things, including, lately, that I'm not an animal and have the ability to choose. However I find it very difficult to banish the pleasurable feelings I get when seeing things in the street and the inevitable lust that follows."

The reason it is so hard to comprehend exactly how this step works reminds me of the difference between Chametz and Matzah. It takes only one second to make all the difference between the dough becoming Chametz or creating Kosher Matzah. Indeed, the words Chametz and Matzah have the same letters besides for the Ches and Hei. The difference between a Ches and Hei is only a dot. The whole difference between Chametz and Matzah is this Nekudah - this tiny point.

The Beis Ahron of Karlin writes that while we clean out the Chametz from our homes before Pesach, the true preparation for the Yom Tov is: "To remove that bad Nekudah from our hearts and throw it deep into the sea, and to come closer to the good Nekudah. For automatically when one removes the bad point he is crowned with good, as we have said, and then Chametz turns to Matzah in the blink of an eye".

In the third step, the distinction between failure and success is indeed subtle, but it makes all the difference between Chametz and Matzah:

When we give up acting out while retaining the lust inside us, we are leaving the leaven inside the dough and it becomes Chametz.

However, when we give up the desire itself - the bad Nekudah - to Hashem, then we succeed in removing the leaven from the dough and it turns to Matzah - the bread of faith.

But How do we do this?

We turned to our 12-Step expert Boruch for guidance:

"Banishing a thought that you do not want is quite possible and very doable. However, banishing a thought that you do want is impossible. It is a contradiction in terms. It means focusing on the thought that you want to continue to think about, trying to stop thinking about it, and at the same time doing your very best to hold on to it.

The 3rd Step requires much more than a technique or strategy. It demands a decision that we should have already made when we took the First Step.

I would like to elaborate a little on what Boruch means.

The first of the 12-Steps states: "We admitted we were powerless over lust - and that our lives had become unmanageable". At that point, a person makes a very strong decision. Not a decision to stop lusting - because he's tried that countless times and it didn't work - but simply a decision that he does not want to lust anymore. HE SIMPLY CANNOT CONTINUE.

Once a person admits powerlessness and has a very clear recognition that he cannot continue and does not want to continue, he will find it much easier (in step 3) to give up - not just his "acting out" - but the very lust itself to Hashem, along with his right to lust and all expectations of ever receiving his lust.

But if a person never experienced Step-One fully and he continues to hold on to his desire to lust, he will find Step-Three almost impossible.

The difference is indeed subtle, like the difference between Chametz and Matzah. But we must let go of this bad Nekudah first if we want to be able to leave Mitzrayim. Perhaps that is the lesson of why Hashem commanded us to get rid of the leaven and eat Matzah on Pesach. For this is indeed a prerequisite to breaking free of the bondage of Egypt.

Now that we've read this Chizuk e-mail, let's get back to work and continue scrubbing those Nekudos of Chametz out of our homes and hearts!

Practical Tips
Homeopathic remedy
How to Determine if You are a Sex Addict?

Sometimes it is difficult to determine if someone is dealing with a sexual addiction. A man who views pornography a couple times a year may be acting inappropriately and hurting intimacy between him and his wife, but it doesn’t mean he is a sex addict.

A sexual addiction is diagnosed when sexual activity has a negative impact and effect on other parts of a person’s life including relationships, finances, health, safety, employment, and/or relationship with God.

The following is a brief assessment to help you get an initial read if you are indeed struggling with a sexual addiction. Check each one that applies to you.

Does your mind wander with sexual thoughts throughout the day?

Do you spend more than 4 hours a week viewing pornography or engaging in sexual chat/video rooms on the Internet?

When at work, school or social events, do you anticipate the next opportunity you will have to view pornography?

Have you had an affair(s) (emotional or physical) with someone other than your partner?

Do you find yourself engaging in lustful thoughts about women at work, school or other public places?

Do you surf the television looking for scenes that are sexually stimulating?

Do you fantasize sexually about women who are not your partner?

Do you regularly fantasize when having sex with your wife?

Have you covered up or lied to your partner about your sexual activities?

Do you engage in sex with escorts, prostitutes or visited massage parlors for sexual encounters?

Do you visit strip clubs on a regular basis?

Do you feel guilty and shameful after you have acted out inappropriately with sex?

Do you find it difficult to stop your sexual acting out?

Could your sexual activity jeopardize your relationship, health or job?

Do you believe your sexual acting out has negatively impacted your relationship with God?

Test Results: If you answer yes to 3 or more of these questions, you should consult a certified sex addiction counselor to learn more about sex addiction and help available to you.

Do you think you may have a porn addiction?

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit (Hebrew: / Yiddish:

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit

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