E-Mail Subject: Tips from a Tzaddik; Tips from a Ba'al Teshuvah
 
 
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1263  
 
 
In Today's Issue
   
Image of the Day: "Gimme More!"
Testimonials: 6 years sober on GYE!
Links: Beautiful Story of Recovery
Torah: Liberating sparks of holiness
Practical Tips: Tips & Chizuk from Rebbe Nachman's Sefer Hamidos
Announcements: Unwanted Same Sex Attraction - Real or Imagined?
 
 
90 Day Journey
 
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Image of the Day
 

Addict's real affliction:

"Gimme More!"
 
Testimonials
 

All of us at GYE are so proud and happy for one of the oldest-running GYE'ers.

Gibbor120 has reached six years of freedom from compulsive inappropriate behaviors.

Mazel Tov! Many happy returns of the day, friend! 

Guard, Mottel and all your friends-in-arms of GYE.

 

Gibbor120 shares his story:

 
6 years sober on GYE!
 
By gibbor120

I am both happy and humbled to announce that today, I am 6 years sober B"H.

I am so fortunate and grateful to have support from so many sources, from my wife, my rav, my friends here at GYE, and from the RBS"O who gives me all these belssings.

Thank you all who have helped me, whether you welcomed me when I was new and very nervous, wrote encouraging words, listened to me, taught me a thing or two, or made me laugh out loud at work. I could not be sober today without your help.

I know it is dangerous to single people out, but there are a few that I need to mention. Guard of course, for nothing would have been possible without GYE. Dov, because many of the lessons of recovery that I try to use, I learned from him. Zemiros, because he was one of the first to welcome me, and we still stay in touch, and have even met a few times, and of course for making me lol quite a bit. Alex Eliezer, many of the newcomers don't know him, because he doesn't post that often any more, but he was one of the first I spoke to on the phone and really shared our stories and struggles in depth. We still keep in touch as well. There are many more, and I thank you all, but I don't want to try to thank everyone individually.

I acted out in various ways for over 20 years, more than 10 years of it was after I was married. I did not know how to break free. One of the best (and worst) things to happen to me, was my wife catching me 6 years ago today. It started me on a difficult road to recovery, but a wonderful one as well.

For 2 years before I found GYE, I managed to stay sober, but at times, I felt like I was white knuckling, and I was still missing many of the tools to acheive long-term sobriety.

When I found GYE, so many things clicked into place. It was not easy, but I came to many realizations, and found many tools and attitudes that made sobriety easier to achieve.

I learned that the enemy was lust, not the aveirah of histaklus, or shichvas zera levatala. I learned that fantasy in the context of marriage fed my lust just as much.

I learned that half measures don't work. I have an allergy to lust, and taking a "sip" leads to a binge - guaranteed. "Sipping" includes fantasy, and it even includes fantasizing about my wife.

I learned that fantasy, and acting out is a form of escape. I learned that much of the reason that I needed an escape boiled down to gaivah, wanting to run the show, rather than "letting" Hashem run the show. Jealousy, fear, resentment, and anger all stem from putting myself in the center rather than Hashem. As it says in Dov's signature - "the heck with me, what can I do for you". Internalizing that one attitude alone can transform a person.

I learned that I need to get off the 18 wheeler and get onto a tricycle. I need to accept my imperfect reality, rather than to try and outwardly portray perfection. I need to accept where I am, not where I wish I was.

Finding GYE enabled me to speak openly and freely for the first time about a problem that is private and embarrasing. I tend to be a closed person. I found opening up and being able to talk both humbling and therapeutic.

My life has gotten immeasurably better since joining GYE. My overall happiness and contentment in all aspects of my life, especially my marriage and my family life, has dramatically changed for the better. GYE has affected me in so many positive ways. I really cannot say thank you enough. Being controlled by lust is hell. It's not a way to live. GYE gave me my life back. I am grateful beyond words.

THANK YOU ALL! KOT! NEVER EVER GIVE UP!

Links
 

A great article about learning to listen in recovery.

Please beware that this link will take you to a site outside of GYE network, which may feature various images. Viewer discretion is advised.

Beautiful Story of Recovery
Torah
 
 
Liberating sparks of holiness
 
Practical Tips
 
Tips & Chizuk from Rebbe Nachman's Sefer Hamidos
 
By GYE

Sexual lust can only be kept at bay by avoiding provocative sights and thoughts.

  • Do not enter into negotiations with your desires, for the elaboration of your thoughts, even directed at annulling the desires, will have the effect of reinforcing the desires, and they can overcome you.
  • Anyone who refrains from acting upon an opportunity to sin will have a miracle done for him.
  • A repair for spilling seed inappropriately is to make efforts to bring people to repent. (Note: Midah Kineged Midah. Also Step 12 of the 12 Steps)
Read article
Announcements
 
Unwanted Same Sex Attraction - Real or Imagined?
 

Special Announcement for Duvid Chaim's phone conference.

Jonathan, Certified Life Coach will be joining us on

Duvid Chaim's 12-Step phone conference

12 PM EST - Thursday June 11th.

The theme of the call:

Unwanted Same Sex Attraction - Real or Imagined?

What can be done?

Our GYE In-House Expert with more that 7 years of helping men overcome same-sex attractions (along with a multiple addictions) will share important insights into this often shunned and shameful attraction.

Addressing and answering questions about Homosexuality as:

How does SSA develop?

Isnt it normal for me to admire and be attracted to another man?

How does this attraction fit into my Sexaholism?

Is there overlap?

And what are the Tools that are used in the Healing Process?

Whether you personally experience SSA or not, please join us on this important Call to learn more about this serious issue!

Do you think you may have a porn addiction?
 

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.

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