E-Mail Subject: Double Chai Issue
 
 
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1818  
 
 
In Today's Issue
   
Editor’s Note: Double Chai - Issue#1818
Sayings: Call your sponsor before, not after, you start acting-out.
Prevention: Explaining the issur of zera levatala from a practical point of view
Videos: What is our real prison?
Q & A: Are non-Jews halachically permitted to waste their seed?
Links: The Biggest Gift to Our Children
Daily Dose of Dov: Addict vs. Non-Addict
Links: Victory on Isle 3
Torah: Three Steps of Tikkun
 
 
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Editor’s Note
 
Double Chai - Issue#1818

Dear GYE family,

in honor of the two-times-chai issue of our newsletter, we bring you a double-long issue of chizuk and inspiration. Enjoy!

Stay sober, my friends,

Mottel.

Sayings
 
Call your sponsor before, not after, you start acting-out.
 
Prevention
 
Explaining the issur of zera levatala from a practical point of view
 
By Sorotzkin, Dr. Benzion

When a pleasurable and intimate activity is always shared with one person ( e.g., a wife) to the exclusion of anyone else, that both indicates a closeness and causes further closeness [siman & siba]. If this activity is also experienced with others (or even a person alone) - in the past or the present - then it reduces both the specialness and the intensity of the experience with the wife.

I often illustrate this with the following true story. When I was about 19, a younger bochur who recently arrived in the yeshiva and who I had never met came into the bais medrash and sat next to me. He then proceeded to pour his heart out regarding very personal family issues he was struggling with. Initially, I was flattered that he somehow sensed that I was the right person to speak to, confirming my recent decision to become a therapist. Unfortunately, the next day I discovered that he poured his heart out to anyone who would listen. This certainly made his interaction with me much less meaningful.

Masturbation (and pornography) establishes sexual pleasure as not related to an intimate relationship. This reduces the potency of physical intimacy in marriage to be an exclusive and powerful tool in cementing the relationship.

Secular therapists (and some frum ones too, unfortunately) used to believe that the only possible objection to pornography (and masturbation) is a religious belief. More recently, therapists and marriage counselors have written articles in professional journals on how these activities often cause sexual dysfunction in marriage.

Videos
 

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What is our real prison?

  • Watch this amazing talk about the way out of our own personal prisons, how to motivate ourselves, move forward, and love ourselves in all situations.

Q & A
 
 
Are non-Jews halachically permitted to waste their seed?
 
Links
 

alt

 

Rav Yaakov Hillel talks about the power of these nisyonos, and the way to overcome them.

The Biggest Gift to Our Children
  • These short inspirational messages are a project of gyeboost.org. If you haven't joined yet, sign up here to get them either by email or Whatsapp each day
Daily Dose of Dov
 
Addict vs. Non-Addict
 
By Dov

I completely reject the idea that any yid who uses shmutz (fantasy) and hz"l once in a while is "an addict". As far as I am concerned, that is ridiculous. The badness of the aveira does not convert in into an addiction - at least per the 1st of the 12 steps that I know of.

An addict is unable to stop - his track record eventually teaches him this -hopefully before creating too much wreckage and destroying too many other people's lives. He (or she) is also suffering a great deal at the hands of the compulsion. Life is often looking acceptable on the outside, but truly nuts on the inside. And they are the only ones who can possibly decide whether or not they are addicts.

I have never met any guy who admitted he was an addict who got better by getting married. Maybe there are some, but I rather believe that this is often what happens to them:

Crazy over lust, they get married and drive their wives batty with lust demands for decades. This remains behind closed door. No one finds out about it...until they finally give up either because their wives are tired of the disgusting idea of being treated as an 'receptacle' for their husbands to act out all their fantasies - or the husband himself soon discovers that his poor, innocent wife cannot compete with the fantasy-woman (or women) burned into his heart.

The real success stories are of the men who are either addicts and in recovery, or were never addicts in the first place and grew up a bit after getting married. They learned what real life is like and let go of the childish fantasies - unlike myself. I did not do that. And here I am, totally unable to win the battle and yet sober today for the past 14 years, by His Chessed.

Links
 

This link will take you to a site outside of GYE Network. While we vetted it and found it to contain no objectionable imagery, reader discretion is advised.

Victory on Isle 3

Great blog entry about a pro-active mom and her porn-proof kids.

Torah
 
Three Steps of Tikkun
 
A letter addressed to a teenager who asks for advice on how to stop watching movies on his cell-phone. The advice here can be applied to our struggle as well:
 
By GYE

"According to the Ba'al Shem Tov, every process of tikun (repair, rectification) that we undergo must follow through three stages: submission (hachna'ah), separation (havdalah) and sweetening (hamtakah).

Read more
Do you think you may have a porn addiction?
 

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.

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