If you're reading this, it's likely that you've been struggling with Shmiras Ainayim for years with ups and downs, and can't seem to get a full grip on it. Well, you're not alone. This is one of man's greatest struggles, and all the more so for people who already became addicted to such behaviors. (Even those who have long stopped the real "acting-out" behaviors often struggle daily still with keeping their eyes in check).

After years of trial and error and feedback from GYE members, we believe that we may have found the 4 ingredients to being successful in Shmiras Ainayim for the long term. (If any one of these ingredients are missing, we can understand why lapses keep occurring).

MeKaDeSH -מקדש

מחליט-Machlit

Make a Decision

(See Chizuk e-mail 1103 for explanation and details on this idea)

קנס-Knas

Make it cost or hurt

(See Chizuk e-mail 1104 for explanation and details on this idea)

דאווען-Daven

Without constant siyatta dishmaya, we can't succeed.

As Chazal say: "The Yetzer hara tries to kill a person, and if Hashem wouldn't help him, he could not overcome him."

שמירה-SHmirah

Internet filters, accountability software, avoiding triggering places, avoiding triggering media like TV, Movies, Magazines, Newspapers.

(See here for more detail and guidance)

Something isn’t right–at least, that is what your heart is telling you. But there seems to be no evidence to support your feeling. “He’s a great guy,” you remind yourself. “He’s just working hard to provide for our family. He’s stressed and he’s tired, and that’s all it is.” Could it be Sex Addiction in Marriage?

I think we desperately need to quit our preoccupation with lust and thinking about our 'addiction patterns' and stop seeing our 'triggers' everywhere.

When we use the steps, we are not trying to 'kill our addiction with analysis', but rather to get ourselves and our over-sized brains out of His way, for a change.

This is not a self-help program, but a G-d-help program. G-d is the solution, not us and ever more of our 'wonderful' thinking that got us in this mess in the first place. As I love to quote Chuck C from AA, "We can't think ourselves into right-living. We can only live ourselves into right-thinking."

Mainly, we need to shut up and flap our wings in the right direction, not think our way out of our addiction!

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.