For practical problems we can learn a lot from Chazal, of course, but what is indispensable for an addict is counsel from real live people.... not quotes from great people (even neviim) who are long gone. I learn a lot from Chazal, sure, but for my recovery issues, I'd much rather talk with my sponsor (even though he is not Jewish) than with Rav Ashi. Sorry.

And this is not a foreign idea in Torah, for, as we say "Halocha k'basrai". When it comes to practical guidance, Yiftach of this dor is actually better than Shmuel of the previous dor. We also say TEIKU - Tishbi will answer the shaylohs for the last dor - because he is the ultimate basrai, having been alive and here with us all along to the end.

But that is all for normal people with normal sexual (and other) problems.

For sickos (and pardon me but that is exactly what kind of husband our wives have to deal with) we need G-O-D, Osei Shomayim Vo'oretz, period. No one else can help us to be at peace with our goofy sexuality, with our goofy wives, or with our goofy selves.

Even Moshe Rabbeinu isn't strong enough! Maybe in another religion great people actually perform miracles... not in Judaism. Last time I checked we don't believe in that. It is always Hashem doing it, through the person.

Same here, with perverts like me. Maybe people can be a conduit to help us out a little bit with these painful, enigmatic things. But in the end, ein hadovor tolui in anybody else - not even in Chazal or the Avos (the 'great mountains' - see the words of Rav Elozar ben Durdaya - why couldn't he go to a tanna like Rav Yehudah Hanassi? He was around, no?). No. Ein hadovor tolui ella bi- meaning: between me and G-d. No one comes between us at a time like this. I am powerless, and so are all other people! Only Hashem has Power. I need Him then, and I need Him now.

"May we turn to Him now." (paraphrasing AA Ch.5)

Dearest Chani,

It is extremely difficult for me to write this to you. But it is harder not to. Lately, I feel that my perceived dishonesty and hiding is creating tension in our marriage, sort of a rift between us, and rightly so. A good marriage must be built on a solid foundation of mutual honesty and trust.

You have a lot of questions. "The diligent scholar I married is wasting a lot of time on the phone with "friends" I never met, and am not quite sure where he met either. The same diligent scholar can spend hours chatting on the internet. Where did his diligence and intense studiousness go? I no longer sense a seriousness in learning, the only seriousness on his part is when he runs to drops me, our kids and anything else for an emergency "chabura" twice a week with those same friends. What's going on?"

Chani, believe me that you're the most important thing in my life. There is nothing in the world more important to me. I'll try to explain my predicament to the best of my ability...

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.