This site is absolutely amazing. Thank you so much whoever you are for starting the site. There are tons of great organizations out there all doing good things, but you are simply changing lives. Without you (and all the people giving encouragement on the forum), so many of us would still be deep, deep down, maybe rising up a little once in a while, but overall stuck very firmly where we wish we weren't.

"I don't know what to do anymore. I have a huge headache, my scrotum is in pain. I feel like I will die if I don't give in!"

Dov replies:

If you want sympathy, I can't help you that much from so far away, but if you were here, I'd cry with you and give you a real hug. You are an amazing person.

If you want advice, I'd just accept that the pain you describe will actually pass completely. And if your body knows otherwise it'll make what needs to happen, happen on it's own, and with no help from you or lust. You just keep your eyes on the prize: your sanity and sobriety. Everything will get easier if you ride this one out with help.

One more thing: I don't waste my time trying to stay clean because it's ossur. Rachel and Leyah gave all the reasons for leaving their jerky-father's house before they added, "and that's what Hashem wants you to do, so let's go!".

So, why are you really here? Is it because something just woke up in you to suddenly start keeping halacha? Or was there something more that drove you to take the step of joining GYE? I am assuming you started to accept what your lust problem does to your life?

What does it do to your life?

In my case, I hit a point that it became clear that it was ruining my life and would destroy me if I just gave in... but I still had to give in! That's when I finally went to any lengths to really get the help I needed. I found SA and went to meetings, and I bared the entire truth about me to addicts in recovery. "Virtual" (back then it was phones) wasn't enough for me, by a long-shot. I needed real meetings with real people. It had to be as real as possible for me to get the most real results.

I was able to say: "Hashem, I give myself to You and please take my lust away from me now. Please don't help me "overcome" this - take it away from me, please. I want no awards, no s'char, no revenge on the Yetzer Hara nor anybody, and I'm not trying to 'prove' anything. I ask you to free me from this lust in order to be healthy and useful to your people. After all, I'm Yours! Thank you for helping me so much in the past!"

I follow this up with a calm gratitude list, while I lay on my bed and try to sleep.

Nu. Life is really weird sometimes....

And should the urge return 2 minutes later, I say the same prayer again. And again.

I can pray longer than lust can do it's job.

Hang in there, buddy!

With much love and admiration to you,

Dov

Today on the train

Traveling back home again

After spending a successful vacation

In the mountains, in relaxation

Feeling rejuvenated and full of energy

To face life, get into routine readily

At a moment least expected

Caught unaware, now being tested

Thoughts flooding, flashing for attention

An urge, a trigger, a temptation

Who will know my thoughts, where my mind goes?

It won’t really be wrong if nobody knows

Excuses multiplying, drowning all sense

I know one thing, one desire which is immense

Racing closer to the edge, slipping dangerously

No consideration for the months of struggle previously

Mind clouded, being pulled in one direction

One that leads to emptiness and destruction

Out of the depths and roiling emotions

Emerges a cry, a plea desperate for direction

The truth of my inner desire to remain pure

Calls out from the confusion to Hashem to implore

‘Help me please, I can’t do this alone at all,

I’m on the verge, please stop me before I fall’

Miraculously He plants an idea in my mind

Listen to music, a distraction to find

Focusing deeply on the song, its words and meaning

Reawakened the will not to fall, strengthened the feeling

Continued concentration, the message absorbed

The ground became more steady, my vision cleared

The heat passed, gone was the urge

Back in safe territory, back from the verge

Thank You Hashem for Your continued guidance and protection

I owe it all to You, this time, in the past and all future temptations

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.