I'm out of breath,
my chest aches,
my legs hurt,
as if it breaks,
I'm running the race,
not to win the cup,
but to reach recovery,
before addiction catches up...

I'm juggling the balls,
that life threw my way,
can't afford to lose focus,
and let some slip away,
I'm a mother, a friend,
a daughter, and a wife,
all while just exploring
how to live a balanced life.

I'm exhausted,
deep down in my core,
every bone in me,
shouts stop, no more!
but there is no going back,
to those ignorant blissful days,
of living in escape,
hazy brain always,
awareness can't be reversed,
or life lessons unlearned,
with every step I take,
the path back is burnt,
I cannot endure the old way,
with my knowledge of today,

so I place,
one foot in front of the other,
just doing the motions,
not thinking 'why bother',
and I start to believe,
and feel it deep in me,
that one day it will be easy,
one day I will be free,
and until then,
my goal is not to win,
but to keep going,
and never give in,
for I can't beat addiction,
with my human energy,
but as long as I keep going,
addiction can't beat me...

Dear GYE,

Today is 90 days

I’m tasting the sweet sound of it

Savouring its warmth

What a magnificent gift

My gratitude is immeasurable

For not only has lust been subdued

My essence has changed, improved

Working on this struggle

Has affected deep inside

I’m a new person

Have a fresh perspective on living

I’ve been working on my core

Hard work, yet so rewarding

I’m overcome with appreciation

Mere words cannot express my gratitude

If 90 days is a kinyan

Then reaching this milestone on rosh chodesh, a time of renewal, is an inyan

Av may be a month of mourning our unfathomable loss

But working on this struggle is surely a zechus

Elul and the yamim noraim are just around the corner

This is the first year that I can come with the knowledge that I’m not in the same place as the year before

This time the work was real, genuine

Be”H lasting and continuously growing

GYE, you have been the initiator and catalyst

Enabling and facilitating this journey

If only words would convey my true gratefulness

But all I can say is a simple ‘thank you’

Yeshalem Hashem sechar peulosecha

P.S. Please let me know of something I can do for GYE.

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.