In order how to understand how triggers work and how to avoid them, the larger question of the why a person is triggered must be addressed. A preoccupation with pornography might begin as just that--a preoccupation/bad habit--but it can easily move into the realm of addiction. Leading research suggests that triggers point to the reasons many become dependant on pornography. Triggers, it turns out, are pretty important to understand.

A Spouse wrote:

I am plagued by the thought that this is my fault because I gained weight. I know my husband wanted a slim person only and cares about my weight. As a bachur, he had this problem, which he thought would go away when he got married. He told me it did help being married till I gained weight in pregnancy.

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GYE Responds:

Many people who come to our website for help claim the same thing: that they are not attracted to their wives and feel they need to get it elsewhere. But I will let you in on a little secret: when someone gets addicted to these things, even the most beautiful woman is not enough for them.

For example, here's an excerpt from an e-mail we got from a frustrated spouse:

"... The situation is getting from worse to terrible. These days, my husband doesn't only look at women, but he also tries chatting them up, even when we are together. He starts joking around with them and even made a couple of inappropriate comments. I don't know what I have done to deserve this! I'm tall with an amazing figure, and I always make sure to look stunning for him (and tznius). Am I not good enough for him?? I once asked him, 'If I walked around one holiday with you in a very immodest way, would you only look at me!?' He replied, 'I would be looking at you and all the other women around.' I asked him to explain himself, and he said men always want new things!"

I suggest you watch the Fireproof movie together with your husband.

And try to get your husband to read these articles:

• I love my wife – But I’m not “IN LOVE” with her!
• https://guardyoureyes.com/articles/tips-suggestions/item/its-never-enough
• https://guardyoureyes.com/articles/rabbi-twerski/item/shekker-hachein?category_id=295
• https://guardyoureyes.com/12-step/item/misinterpretation?start=1
• http://www.guardureyes.com/GUE/FAQ/FAQ41.asp
• http://www.guardyoureyes.org/?p=1733
• https://guardyoureyes.com/articles/questions-and-answers/item/not-happy-with-my-wife-s-appearance?category_id=283
• https://guardyoureyes.com/articles/questions-and-answers/item/the-difference-between-lust-love?category_id=283
• https://guardyoureyes.com/articles/tips-suggestions/item/einav-hita-aso-what-is-the-ikkar-of-marriage

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A few days later she responded:

I wanted to thank you. I watched "Fireproof" with my husband and we really gained so much from it. We came to a place of understanding and he apologized so nicely. Tizku limitzvos. I am hoping he will want to look at the articles you sent before.

Sunday from 10:45-11:30 am EST*

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.