GYE Spouses: are you hurt? Are you mad? Then, read on!
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1683  
In Today's Issue
Video of the Day: What spouses of addicts need to know
Announcements: Important Announcement for Spouses
Text: A letter to the wife of the GYE husband
12 Step Attitude: Giving up on “Figuring it out”
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Video of the Day

What spouses of addicts need to know

Please share your any inspiring clips you may have with us at (gmail allows for big attachments using Google drive)

Important Announcement for Spouses

GYE is pleased to announce that Certified Sex Addiction Therapist (CSAT) and specialist in the area of Sex Addiction Induced Complex Partner Trauma, "Hope Ray", has presented a lecture to the GYE wives of addicts on Monday, June 12, from 9-11pm EST.

A subsequent question and answer session will be held on Thursday, June 15, at 9pm EST.

This lecture covered: the significant traumatic impact that sex addiction has on the wives of those with chronic patterns of sexual acting out, such as the many post-traumatic effects of discovery, disclosure, and the emotional abuse, deception, betrayal, and gas lighting (a type of psychological manipulation).

Wives are encouraged to participate and should contact Malka at for the call-in information.

Be sure not to miss this informative presentation!

A letter to the wife of the GYE husband
By Yechida

Before I begin, I reiterate that this letter is written by a Yid - little mr. yechida here. Your husband did not know I would write this and certainly didn't ask me to. It's important that you keep this in mind as you read this letter.

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12 Step Attitude

Cont'd from issue #1681

Giving up on “Figuring it out”
Part 2/2
By GYE Member

Yaakov Responds:

Thank you for sharing this. You expressed it beautifully and it's very true. It is the same “Emes” that is found in the first few steps of the 12-Step program, (1) “Our lives became unmanageable and we are powerless” (2) We came to believe a power greater than ourselves can restore us to sanity (3) We made a decision to turn our will and our lives over to His care…

In other words, there are only two prerequisites to succeeding in the impossible. (1) A realization that it is destroying our lives and that we can’t do it ourselves (2) Believing that Hashem can do it for us LETTING HIM.

Some people say a special “Yehi Ratzon” in the nussach of “Elokai Netzor” at the end of Shmoneh Esrei. It says there: “And save me from the Yetzer Hara, and put into my heart Emunah, subjugation and humility”. Why do these 3 ideas (yetzer hara, Emunah and humility) go together? Because the only way to be saved from the Yetzer Hara which is so much stronger than us, is through the broken-heartedness of knowing we can’t do it ourselves, and the EMUNAH that Hashem can and will, if we only WANT IT and turn to Him for help. As the pasuk in Tehillim says:

את המייחלים לחסדולא בגבורת הסוס יחפץ, לא בשוקי האיש ירצה... רוצה ה' את יראיו

“Not in the might of the horse does He desire, nor in the legs of the man does He want… Hashem wants those who fear Him, who HOPE to his kindness”…

We don’t have to work hard and fight the great battle. We just need to ask for His help with the awareness that we can’t do it ourselves.

Chazal say that at the end of days Hashem will slaughter the Yetzer Hara. Both the Tzadikim and Reshaim will weep. The Tzadikim will weep with joy and ask, "How did we conquer such a great mountain?" and the Reshaim will weep in pain and ask "how could we not have conquered such a small thread?"... The question is, why do the Tzadikim see the Yetzer Hara as a mountain and the Reshaim as a thread? How can they both be true?

Perhaps based on the idea above we can understand this idea too. The Yetzer Hara is indeed a great mountain that is INSURMOUNTABLE. However, Hashem doesn't ask us to conquer the mountain at all. He asks us only to want it, to turn to Him and hope to Him! When the Reshaim understand that fact finally, they weep because they could have just given over the fight to Hashem and trusted Him to help them. The problem wasn't that they couldn't, but rather that they didn't WANT to.

And so, this is the secret of success in all our struggles. If we only internalize this, we can be victorious over the great mountain by just stepping over this little thread.

Do you think you may have a porn addiction?

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit (Hebrew: / Yiddish:

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit

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