Want a clear answer to these common questions?

• How can it be that the Torah doesn't provide the answer for me?
• Why can't I just do Teshuvah, why do I need the 12-Steps?
• Why do some Rabbanim and therapists discourage the 12-Step program? (Although the vast majority don't).
• How do I really know if the 12-Step program is for me?

Listen to this powerful 12 minute excerpt from a recording of Dov's recent talk "A Purim Message for Addicted People".

I'm pretty sure I've gone more than 90 days clean, BH, of not masturbating.

The trick was having a chevrusa at night till 10:45 and then one in the morning at 6:15.

I also do not have internet access on a laptop and enough gigs on my phone to last me 3 hours if I watch videos. With so little chance to really browse at high speeds and being under such time pressure to go to sleep and work and eat, there has been so little opportunity to sit back and relax. It's so liberating.

I also go to the mikveh if I masturbate or have a wet dream, which definitely helps.

Having other people rely on me to be there, as my chevrusas do, really made it happen.

Plus, they are both on much higher learning levels than I am.

I usually go over the material 10+ times before and after, where they only look at it in the chevrusa and then maybe on Shabbos.

I'd like to post the full strategy that I've come up with and that's been helping me stay clean for over 100 days B"H, including around 60 days with access to unfiltered internet.

Most, if not all of this, are not my chiddushim, all I did was take ideas that I've seen around the site and chose what worked for me.

One more thing, this whole plan is for non-addicts (which I believe myself to be) and if you are addicted then this is probably not the right thing because it's only designed to stop the acting out not to deal with the underlying problem(s) that are causing the addiction

The strategy has two parts.

Part one

What do I need?
Commitment

Why?
Without commitment there are two problems:

1) You don't have a clear picture of the battle

2) When it gets tough, which it almost inevitably will, then without a commitment there's no reason not to fall.

How to get it?

Take a piece of paper and write down the benefits that you get out of porn and masturbation, such as: it makes me feel good, it provides an escape, it relieves my sexual desires, it's an exciting activity to do when I'm bored, etc.

Then write down the reasons that you want to stop, such as: it makes me feel disconnected from reality, from Hashem, and from real women, it makes me feel like a hypocrite, it's a serious aveirah, it makes me waste tons of time, it makes me feel like I can't control myself, etc. (if you need more reasons then take a look at the 90,000 not to act out thread).

Now be honest with yourself and decide whether or not it's worth it for you to stop. If you decide that it would be worth it to stop, then write down the following:

"I am making a rational and thought-out decision to stop leering, fantasizing, watching porn, and masturbating. Even though I will not be able to use this as an escape or for excitement, or to relieve my sexual desires when I desperately feel the need to [fill in the rest of the benefits]. The reason I want to stop is because these benefits are not worth the downsides of this habit which are, the serious aveirah that I'm transgressing each time I act out, and the feelings of hypocrisy and lack of self-discipline that I feel [fill in the rest of the reasons to stop] due to this behavior. Therefore, I choose to commit myself to the plan in order to help me control myself.

Note: Feel free to use your own language while writing this.

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.