For whom will this program NOT work?
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1645  
In Today's Issue
Sayings: Stick with the winners.
Personal Stories: Coping with emotional turmoil - the healthy way
Image of the Day
Links: How to get porn out of yeshivas?
Daily Dose of Dov: For whom will the 12-Steps not work?
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Stick with the winners.
Personal Stories
Coping with emotional turmoil - the healthy way
By GYE Member

One of my issues is being quite unable to process highly emotional events. It triggers my anxiety in an exaggerated fashion. I am, BH, being slowly weaned off my medications and am, bli ayin hora, doing very well. This emotional challenge is a residual issue which will hopefully straighten out as the refua continues. As an aside, I credit GYE, including all of the forum chevra, for my getting better. GYE gave me the opportunity to share, or better said, brech (that's Yiddish for vomit) my story and experience a release I sorely needed. It also made me realize how normal I am, not the rasha/loser I believed I was. It then empowered me to take control of the sexual issues by providing a support team, advice, chizuk, etc. In short, a system that works!

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Image of the Day
How to get porn out of yeshivas?
Daily Dose of Dov
For whom will the 12-Steps not work?
By Dov

The goal of most addicts I know, when they start reaching out for real help, is just to get out of trouble. And the trouble is usually getting caught. So, although we really do want to stop and be clean, we simply do not believe we can live without it - nor do we have any serious intention of doing so. Truly learning to live happily without erotica is not our goal - and we never even realize that fact, until things change. Sometimes, guys keep losing their sobriety in recovery until it bothers them too much and they actually hit bottom and surrender lust for the very first time in their lives.

So, if we came to program just to get out of trouble, then - to us - the program 'working' means: not getting caught any more. But we aren't aware of that fact. We never succeed at getting sober for very long that way, and these are most of the guys who fail in SA, in my opinion. But that is not a failure of SA or 12 steps to work for them, but rather that they are not trying to buy what 12 steps is selling. In my experience, those guys rarely stick around for more than a year or two. Some of them get very good at knowing all about the literature (as though it was another great sefer to master) and can carry on high-level discussions about the 12 steps, selling them to others, some even sponsor others. But they usually fail at the 1-2 year mark and eventually leave. That age in recovery is the time when really living the rest of our lives without it really gets lema'aseh and the person goes crazy subconsciously. (The category of people who come to SA for decades and never get sober at all are in a different category altogether that is beyond the scope of this discussion. I have only met about five of them in 20 years, so they are a very small and interesting group.)

SA works for those who, at some point, if they are lucky, start to reach out for help to actually learn to live the rest of their lives without erotica. When guys come to SA/12-Steps looking for that, they usually end up fine. That acceptance has nothing whatsoever to do with the issue of 'being sober just for today', or 'one day at a time' - that's a separate inyan. Letting go of my old 'trusted god' of lust is a traumatic experience that cannot happen in the mind, period. And I believe it only happens in the heart, which then controls the mind in this surrender. And as we go on in that recovery, sanity becomes our focus instead of sobriety, just like it says in the 2nd step. And sanity is a focus on honesty, being real, integrity... which are all those things we sacrificed while in active addiction.

Do you think you may have a porn addiction?

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit (Hebrew: / Yiddish:

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit

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