A struggler shares with us some of his tips...

There are (at least) three great temptations the evil one tempts us with to make us view Internet pornography:

1) home alone, bored and with nothing to do
2) depressing *I am worth nothing, I can't do anything* feeling,
3) sitting alone before a computer screen with the Google search engine opened up (without a filter on the computer).

If these are all added together it is for most of us a too great of a job to resist the temptation. Therefore, we must, at all costs, avoid the situation where all of these three can come together to attack you with a horrendous force. Even one of them alone can already give us a blow hard enough to send us straight back to Internet hell.

To avoid:

1) Find some nice and interesting occupation, e.g reading the Torah, playing chess, reading GOOD literature etc. Sports also help!
2) Be HAPPY. Read a enjoyable book, think about nice things, treat yourself with a fine lunch, enjoy the world and nature that HaShem, may he be praised, has created, etc.
3) Get a filter and avoid being alone before a computer ! Best: search the internet in the presence of a woman who will smash the computer when you go astray!

Saturdays and Sundays (from my experiences) are most likely the worst days for people like us: they are the days we have more time than on other week-days. If possible, try avoid the whole computer on those days!

For most people, there is nothing bad about a little quiet time, as long we are not sitting in our brains. Thinking is often stupid and dangerous for many of us, especially when the good old 'religious' wheels start to turn and "constant vigilance, watch out, don't think about your bris kodesh or naked people, chas vesholom, not at all!", etc, etc... gevalt. The same self-obsessive thing we all did when we were still teenagers. It didn't work too well then, did it?

So if you relate, then I'd share things I like to do whenever I am bored (which now that I am, BH, in 12 steps recovery for a while, happens only very rarely).

I like to call a relative or a friend I have been avoiding talking with and just share a while, be real, listen actively, and get off the phone feeling like I am adding to their life in some small but real way.

I like to read Alcoholics Anonymous Member Stories in the back half of the book with a cup of hot coffee or chocolate. And let things go on from there... it usually sets my mind straight far better than any mussar, chassidus, etc., etc. will, and I become much more ready and willing to spend quiet time with my G-d, or to be available - I mean really available - to the people in my life.

I like to walk around the house and choose something that by doing it I am likely to make some contribution to someone else's day or evening, like clean something up or fix something - the point is getting used to doing things with the positive outcomes in mind from start to finish. A 'derech eretz l'shem yichud' kind of awareness. It's part of growing up, for me.

The key for me is this: Anything that feels like a burden or adds to my burden will not help me. So my intention and motive are most important, here.

Real recovery, I am told, is about allowing G-d to change my motives in living day by day, not my behavior. If I do what I can to change my behavior and work the steps, G-d will change my motives. (Funny, how before I surrendered and got into recovery, 99% of what I did was trying to change my motivations...as though I could do that myself! The arrogance of it is amazing, really. Thank G-d I do not carry that false burden any longer, one day at a time.)

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.