I’m starting school again tomorrow - very nervous, anxious and afraid despite the fact that I left on a really good note. I decided to take some time out and reaffirm to myself who I am and what I’m doing here. I also have a colleague who I have to work closely with but who is very difficult and not-so-nice (to put it sweetly!) to me. (I would never have been able to write this before I began working the 12-Step program- it’s insane!)

Someone wrote:

IMHO I found the movie to be waste of time. My husband predicted each part, and said they all typically end like that. No tips on marriage, just some fairy tale story.

GYE Responds:

First of all, it seems like your husband watches too many movies :-)

I think there are some very powerful messages in the movie that a lot of husbands need to hear:

• The idea that marriage is a covenant, not a contract ("in both good and bad"), i.e. learning to truly be there for someone else selflessly .
• The idea that taking the "actions" of kindness and love actually CREATES a real and deep love.
• The idea that you can be a hero for the whole world, but if you aren't a hero to your wife - then it's really all about yourself at the end of the day.
• The idea that if a person "defaults" to the trash on the internet when he's alone, it shows who he really is, and that he is no "hero".
• The idea of how addictions are parasitic; they drain the life out of us and take us away from our goals and from real love and what we want from life.

These are NOT messages you find in every movie today at all.

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What did YOU think of the movie? Send your feedback to gye.help@gmail.com and we may share it here.

Answer

Rav Tzadok writes in the Likutim to Peri Tzaddik: A person possesses only the initial inspiration and choice; the rest is up to HaShem. This is indicated in the possuk: Hashiveinu! Hashem answers us: No; Shuvu eilay v’ashuvah. If HaShem would not assist us and send the blessing in our handiwork, we would not be able to do or accomplish anything. Before the blessing, it

Before the blessing, it is: La’HaShem ha-aretz u’meloah. [For accuracy purposes, he then says that even the thought process belongs to Hashem, but it seems that in the preceding line, he said differently.] However, after the blessing, when a person realizes that everything comes from HaShem, then even the aretz is given over to people, and then the actions and the thoughts can be from the person himself.

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.