Roughly six months ago, I watched a particularly riveting porn scene (please God, that was the last one). I could not get the images out of my mind. Whenever I shut my eyes, there they were.

Then I remembered from when I was young and scary thoughts/images would frighten me. I was sent the idea that "Hey, if they are in my mind, that means I can manipulate them to look how I want." So I'd put a clown nose and a tutu on the monster and his scariness vanished.

Fast-forward 30 years, why not use my imagination here as well? So I did the opposite; I made the porn scene as scary and horrific looking as possible (which I thought was apropos, since that is what is really happening behind the illusion!) Now, whenever that scene pops up in my mind, I use my dimyon to turn it around (or reveal what it really is). Needless to say, the attraction has vanished.

I heard Rabbi Shafier on The Fight say something similar regarding women other than my wife. I would not be attracted to an animal, so why am I attracted to this other woman? Both strategies are ways to reframe what I find attractive to take the allure out of it.

I would mention that a number of years ago, my wife showed me a video about how an average looking lady was transformed into a supermodel using computers - her "beauty" was not real at all!

Dear GYE,

Thank you for this website, you are saving neshomos. 

When I was about 11 years old, I started masturbating. I didn't know anything was wrong with it but eventually, I found out. By then, it had become my stress reliever.  Unfortunately, I was unable to share this big black secret with anyone, and it started happening multiple times a day. At the same time, I was the top in my shiur and trying to be an eved Hashem.Today, I am pretty well known in the community and have had a positive effect on many people. I've made a lot of progress in this area as well, and I go through my day now, B'H, without much of a struggle. 

The tremendous shame is that I lost out on very important developmental years of my life and could have grown into much more than I am. My potential was far greater than what I look like now - even if the picture is good and one that people may be jealous of. I am not referring to status or kavod - I mean hasmoda and avdus Hashem.

Someone wrote to GYE:

I am a real sicko - a loser. I am so subconciously focused on lust and I am almost 50 yrs old.  Why can't I just be normal? I agree everyone has nisyonos from time to time, but it feels like I'm always stuck in the mud!

GYE replies with a parable:

Dear In Need,

Don't worry, the body automatically re-absorbs the semen build-up, so there's no need to release it. I understand it's hard, but this is what separates the men from the boys! Hashem challenges us to be strong and pays us back a thousand-fold in both this world and the next.

The best thing to do is to just try and fall asleep! If your thoughts are going wild, try to distract yourself with thinking about something you enjoy. Let's say, for example, you always wished you could fly or have your own little space ship. Whenever you start getting arousing thoughts, try to switch your thoughts over to fantasies about flying in your own little spaceship... until you fall asleep.

If that still doesn't help, try to focus your love--and lust--for Hashem by telling yourself that He is the source of all good and pleasure and beauty... Try to imagine yourself in His warm embrace as you drift off to sleep.

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.