The word "Shavuos" is a double meaning, it translates both as "Weeks" and "Vows". Chaza"l say that on Shavuos there was a double vow; 1) the Jewish people vowed never to leave G-d, and 2) G-d vowed never to leave the Jewish people.

We spoke last time about the power of vows in fighting the Yetzer Hara. On Shavuos night I was reading the Zohar of Parshas Yisro about the giving of the Torah, and I happened upon the following piece (in the third commandment, about not swearing falsely in the name of G-d) and here is a translation:

A vow to fulfill a commandment of his master, this is a truthful vow (like someone who swears truthfully in court), like it says "Ubishmo Tishave'ah - and in his name you shall swear". When the Yetzer Hara is prosecuting a man and enticing him to break a commandment of his master (and he vows to hold himself back), this is a vow that his master is praised through, and indeed a man must to swear in his master's name on this, and this is his master's praise. And Hakadosh Baruch Hu is praised through him. Like Boaz, as it is written "In the life of the Lord, lay here until the morning". Because the Yetzer Hara was enticing him, and he swore on this.

On Shavuos we read the story of Ruth and Boaz, and as we see in the Zohar above, when Ruth came to him at night, he swore in the name of G-d not to lay with her that night, and he told her to sleep until the morning. Even though Boaz was the greatest Tzaddik of that generation, he didn't trust himself without a vow.

Each person knows what they can / should make vows on, to protect themselves against the Yetzer Hara's enticings.

One member wrote:

"Because of what you wrote, I decided to make a vow not to watch videos on youtube or similar sites anymore, for one year. I find that whenever I happen on those sites, even when I want to see something innocent, I am enticed by the countless improper videos that always pop-up and it's hard to hold myself back. Thank you for your great help!"

Ahron Posted on the Forum:

I have gotten to the point where I can occasionally understand why "normal" people view p***n as repulsive (not all the time though). I'm happy about that. However seeing pretty women on the street, even with no further thought beyond the first glance, triggers lust in my heart. It's automatic. I try a number of things to combat this, including:

• Thinking that they're people, not objects, and as people, I really don't know them and have no interest in them.

• Asking Hashem to grant them all the best (and then I try to move on).

• Trying to work the steps... admitting that I am powerless over lust, Hashem can deal with it though, and I am ready for him to do so.

Sometimes these work, but as often as not, they only works in my head and not in my heart. Does anyone else have advice?

Dov Responds:

I can't count on my fingers and toes (and I refuse to use anyone else's!) the times I have turned to look "just to see if there is anything there that I shouldn't be looking at", you know. Today though, I generally leave this "important" research for the meshuganes who are more qualified to test it than I am! Boruch Hashem I can care about myself! And as a yid, I am taught by the people on this site that by not looking I am also:

• making a private kiddush Hashem

• doing the mitzvah of lo sasuru, and others

• getting more freedom from lust

• getting more sanity

• buying insurance (at a reasonable price) for my marriage, fatherhood and for staying alive

• doing practically the only thing I can do today so that I may be sober tomorrow as well!

Not a bad deal. It doesn't even take a "yiddishe kop" to accept it!

A lot of folks, including me, have also found a lot of power in saying: "Tatty/Ribono shel olam/G-d/My Eternal Best Friend/Etc., Please! Whatever it is I that I am looking for in the image of that woman/man/whatever, let me find it in You". (It especially works if you really mean it!)

Another eitza I like, that helps me when davening for the true benefit of the person I am having trouble with, is to recognize that even though they are total strangers to me, I'd certainly rush to save them if they'd be stuck in a burning car or attacked by dogs, for example. If so, I can care about them. Once I recognize that I can sincerely ask Hashem to give them a true thirst for proper awareness of Him, closeness to Him, wisdom and clarity in what really matters in relationships (certainly not looks, fancy clothes and lust), Shalom bayis and good health.

Then get going with living! (as usual...what else is there?)

Be well!
Dov

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.