"I have tried to stop over and over, but just can't seem to. I have even gone like 3 or 4 months without porn, but always the desire grows so strong that life seems too dull and worthless to live without being able to indulge in the viewing of women... "

B"H, I have made strides toward changing my life for the better. I joined the 90-day chart, but I don't live for it, I live with it. I enjoy updating the chart but I don't think about what day it is every moment of the day.

I also had the password Gabai change the passwords to several email accounts that I was using to communicate with 'friends' whom I realized were actually just fueling my addiction. Great people, but not great for my life. I felt tremendously empowered when I tried to sign into those accounts the following day and I was locked out. I actually threw my hands up in triumph.

For me, it has been great to realize that this ordeal will help my entire relationship with Hashem. I am working on not hoping to be 'done' with this avodah, rather living with this avodah. After all, it is not an avodah of 'sur meirah' as I have looked at it until now, but it is primarily one of 'asei tov' - living more for others and for Hashem. And I have seen the past two weeks improve in several ways, as a result of my developing relationship with the Aibishter.

Dial In Number:From U.S. 515-739-1294(For all other countries, click here).Participant PIN: 382530#

They say that our addiction is just a symptom of our problem, not the problem itself - it just happens to be the "problem" that gets us into treatment for our real problem, which is that life itself is unbearable to us. In recovery we discover that the problem was not with "life", but with us. And thank Goodness for that! It's the greatest gift of the program, as far as I am concerned. At least "us" is something we can have some control over, unlike the outcomes of "life". AA writes about this illusion of control thing. Lack of real faith and humility, coupled with character defects such as fear, pride, dejection (which is actually pride - we grandiosely expect things to go our way or that we should be nearly perfect tzaddikim), and/or other character defects that separate us from G-d and people were our destruction. Our insides make normal life unbearable. Some of us intuit that at an early age (hence the guys who describe compulsive masturbation and schmutz-interest at age 6 or so) while others perceive their desperate need for an escape from life at a later age. Some just commit suicide. Thankfully that's rare (though the wife of one friend of mine has told me she wishes her post-arrest husband had committed/would commit suicide).

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.