To those attending the weekly SSA conference calls,

The next call, our 5th of the 12 calls, will resume normal scheduling Tuesday November 1 at 10:45 am - 11:30 am EST. This means there will not be a call the rest of October. I am looking forward to resuming our calls then.

All the best!
Jonathan

I was a guy who used to fall multiple times a day. Recently, I've been working really hard on myself and, with the help of GYE, I was able to stay clean for 6 months straight!

After a recent fall, I opened up to my wife about it immediately, and she was able to take it a lot easier because we've been talking about this stuff much more openly. I had made up that in the event of such a situation, I would be open and honest with my wife (unthinkable a short 6 months ago!).

As I have encouraged others and will continue to do so, I picked myself up, not getting down about it and continuing on with my life.

Here is an email from my wife after I told her:

Thank you so much for being honest with me.
That means more to me than anything else. More than the days racking up, I need to know I can trust you.
And I do.
I do trust you, and I do know I can.
Thank you for that.
But I still want to ask you to be understanding - it's still hard for me. I'm still going to have questions (not accusations, not a criticism, but questions) for the next couple of days. Please bear with me.
I love you!

I'm in a much better place than I was a short 6 months ago. It wasn't always this way. Our first 6-7 years of marriage were VERY rocky. Boruch Hashem, since I began working on myself with the help of this site, my relationship with my wife has improved immeasurably. She noticed the change in me before I even let her know that I was working on things, and she said so. That alone has been very encouraging to me. Just to give you a picture of where I'm coming from, a few nights ago my wife told me that this past anniversary was the first time since our first that she didn't wonder if it would be our last.

Baruch Hashem!!!

What does it mean to serve?

Someone posted a great question on the forum:

I AM WONDERING IF THERE IS ANYTHING ONE CAN DO NOT TO GET STIMULATED FROM TRIGGERING SIGHTS OR SITUATIONS? I AM NOT LOOKING FOR NISYONOS RATHER I AM TRYING TO FIND A WAY HOW TO CONTROL MY MIND AFTER I SEE SOMETHING THAT BOTHERS/EXCITES ME, SO THAT I DON'T CONTINUE LOOKING OR TAKE IT TO THE NEXT LEVEL?

Dov answers:

Here are a few things I do, sometimes one and at other times another, sometimes more than one:

* I always mutter "Hashem/Tatty help!". He knows what I need and how to help me; then I ask Him to help me move on to whatever it is that I was supposed to be doing when I got distracted by the goofy idea.

* I immediately daven for the person involved, in a direct and clear way, for their benefit, not mine (then move on).

* I ask Hashem ASAP, that whatever it is that I am truly seeking from that person/act, let me find it in You (then move on).

* I get out of dodge (leave the area) - sometimes that is all I need to do - a change of venue.

* I make a phone call to any of the 15 people I can call, and I tell them exactly what it is I feel like doing (get the secret out).

* I think through what the end result of what I am wanting would be, i.e. what would I do after it'd be over? Usually that's quite sobering and helps me let go for a minute - long enough to get back to whatever it is that I should have been doing in the first place.

* In general, I try to work the 12-steps honestly and humbly, so my life is less painful, maybe even pleasant, and these desires are less attractive to me on a gut level (not intellectually, this isn't about intellect).

For me, the most important thing is to never take credit for "beating" the Yetzer Hara. It is always Hashem deflecting it from me. I am not on this world to fight the Yetzer Hara, proof of that is my dismal failure in the endeavor for 15-plus years. As we say every day in Az Yashir: "Hashem Ish Milchama - Hashem is the man of war" - only Hashem.

P.S. I also remember that no matter how sick, weird, or extreme the desire is, I never let myself feel bad about it, as I know I am an addict and that is what addicts do - they have these hardwired problems. But I have not had to act out on them in 11 years as the result of Hashems 100% help. I have been helped by the 12-Step program as well as the people in the program, and I have learned how to take off the boxing gloves and simply get out of the Yetzer Hara's way.

Just a quick reflection on the Pasuk that Dov quoted: "Hashem Ish Milchama - Hashem is the man of war". It occurred to me, why does it say "Hashem Ish Milchama"? Is Hashem a man? Shouldn't it say "Hashem oseh Milchama - Hashem makes war" or something like that? But I think that with Dov's explanation, it makes sense. Perhaps the Pasuk means to say that Hashem fights through man. As soon as we realize we can't do it alone and we give over the fight to Hashem, Hashem fights through us.

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.