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I have been a member of GYE for about 5.5 years. For the first two years, I was not able to get or stay sober. ( I even got once about 4.5 months but went back and couldn't stop).

After hitting a new low, I spoke with Dov, and I decided to join SA and, through working the 12 steps of SA and going to meetings and having a sponsor, I am sober since August 26, 2013.

And, by the grace of God, at the time I was 22 and a yeshiva Bochur. And seven months ago I got married and shared with my wife before I got married that I am in recovery.

To help others on GYE, I try to find someone on the Partnership Program that is a Bocher or newly married that has a similar story to mine and offer to sponsor them. Most of them never reply back to me, but about one in five replies, and about half of those actually call me. So far, the only ones that I was able to really help long term were people who hit bottom, who were willing to to go to SA, and I am happy to say a few joined SA and are sober for over year.

ראש חודש אלול. It's that time of year. When I usually sit down and write a list of everything I've done wrong. Of all the ways that I messed up. When I contemplate what a disappointment I've been to myself, my family, and those who don't even have any knowledge of how disappointed they should be, and mostly, to G-d. That time of year, where I'm convinced that there is no way and no point in even trying to do תשובה because obviously I'm just going to mess up again. Isn't תשובה making sure the same mistakes don't happen again? Sad reality that I keep repeating them then. It's that time of year that I generally feel down and depressed knowing that though I may have accomplished something, the harm and damage I've caused far outweigh any good that I could've done. When I get a queasy feeling in my stomach looking at myself and thinking what a faker I am. How I am the ultimate "בת ישראל" living the true Torah'dik life in every way on the outside, walking the walk and talking the talk-while on the inside, dirt is just accumulating. Making me that much "smarter" than everyone else.....that much more "worldly"......that much more "educated and self aware".

When You Caught Your Husband

Rabbi Shafier from theshmuz.com send us the above MP3 recording that he made and wrote to us as follows:

I often deal with women who find out that their husband was / is involved with pornography, and even though he is dealing with the problem-- she can't. And it strarts to wreak havoc on their relationship. And I'll spend a lot of time, trying to get her to put things into perspective, to understand that this is a nisayon that she can't relate to... And often, I find women saying, "Thank you" It was very helpful".... Bottom line, after saying the same words over and over, I decided to record them.

Chuck said, "We can't think ourselves into right living. We can only live ourselves into right thinking." He was not pontificating, darshening, whatever. It was his bitter hard-learned experience that he was sharing, like what I write here on the forum.

It's the only humble way. Na'aseh venishma is humility, not a madreiga of some sort. And in recovery, it seems that it is the guy who still needs to be controlled by his seichel, not doing anything that he does not first clearly understand, who cannot get better. It's gayvoh dressed in frumkeit, nothing else. If looking at porn made so much sense to us, then I'd agree with him. But the sad fact for most of us is that after we flop, we are often shocked as to how "that could possibly have happened to me!l" His'alalti - it makes fools out of us, complete fools. Our habit plays with us - yet the ha'ozah that we can only take actions of recovery that make sense to us is so prevalent! Gevalt. Suddenly we are sensible when it comes to changing - new territory we expect to make peace with? Gevalt. That's never the way it works.

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.