This prohibition is for both men and women
 
 
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1539  
 
 
In Today's Issue
   
Editor’s Note: From our mailbox...
Announcements: Elul program for men and women
Q & A: The prohibition of masturbation for both men and women
Daily Dose of Dov: What Does "Powerless" really mean?
 
 
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Editor’s Note
 
From our mailbox...

Dear GYE, 

Articles below are fascinating! I know you will fimd them useful and insightful. If you have trouble accesing them on the internet, please email me and I'll be happy to send you the full article.

Yesterday, we published Yakov's "GPS" article and today we got this in the mail:

"A few things come to mind when reading Yaakov's on-target share of G-D Prefers Straight, which happens to be VERY apropos and timely as we read the choices given to us later this week in Parshas Re'eh.

The Midrash speaks about two roads to take: one looks easy; the other starts off with thistles and thorn bushes. The "gatekeeper" tells the traveler that he can choose either direction, but that he's rarely seen anyone come out of the path that starts off clear. 

 

In addition, Gemara relates that an Amorah wanted to learn bird language from his Rebbe, as the birds seem to know what the future will hold. His Rebbe advises him NOT to listen to the birds, but the temptation is too great. At first, he becomes very wealthy by listening to the birds discuss which crops to invest in, and it all seems great. However, one day, he hears them say that he will die tomorrow, and he becomes understandably distraught. He runs back to his teacher, who says, "I told you not to listen!" The Rebbe then goes on to explain that although his Talmid became rich, if he would've suffered along with everyone else, these suffering would suffice to absolve him from the decree of death. We have to trust the process and know that Hashem knows what's best for us and what "traffic lies ahead." 

 

Finally, I am reminded of another tool for GPS, which is when a person is in the grip of a struggle s/he should remember to immediately G-Give. (Example: Daven for the object of lust or for someone in need) P-Pray. S-Scram and be"H s/he will be saved. 

 

Chazak v'ematz to one and all!" 

 

-Neiro Ya'ir

 

Thank you! Share your thoughts with us.

Mottel

Announcements
 
Elul program for men and women
 

A new day-by-day Elul program can help you achieve serenity.

Experience Elul, Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur like never before - living the aspirations alongside hope, and joining together in powerful positive prayer for personal and national renewal.

"Think Positive" Elul program for men: www.mosheallen.com

"Think Positive" Elul program for women: www.chaiyil.com

Q & A
 
 
The prohibition of masturbation for both men and women
 
Daily Dose of Dov
 
What Does "Powerless" really mean?
 
By Dov

"Powerless" has nothing whatsoever to do with 'ilmolei ozro, eino yachol lo' and is not the flipside of 'hakol bidei Shomayim chutz miyir'as Shomayim', at all.

Whether I am in control or not is a simple fact: if I cannot stop having sex with myself (most folks call that 'masturbation') or with anyone other than my wife, or if I am repeatedly drawn to porning out or following women, exposing myself to others, or staring in windows (voyeurism)... then I am not truly in control. As they say in dog training, "if your dog has not yet learned to come to you when called, then you do not yet have a dog (for you will lose him)".

It's simple, very simple. If a guy is 'against' masturbation (cuz it's ossur) and yet is still doing it regularly or semiregularly and thereby taking risks with his family life or job by acting out his lust, then he is not in control.

True, if he has not yet tried to stop, then he may indeed have the power to remain free of the habit - then let him try! Please! I am serious, not poking fun.

But most of us here are frummies and have been trying for years! OK, so some may not have really tried, yet. So then let them!

But in the end, those who keep staying clean for a week, a month, and always plotz...keep finding themselves back in the hole again, needing it so badly that they finally explode and 'give into it' just so they will not have to keep fighting it....are probably unable to stop. It is not a hashkofah issue, but a simple observable fact.

In early recovery we usually discover to our dismay that we really do not want to quit, and that no matter how many times we cried underwater in the mikvah after tikkun Klali, we are actually terrified about the prospect of never using that sweet, warm, loving porn and sex with self ever again. But that is another layer of self-honesty that comes after finally admitting that I have been beaten. Period. And it has nothing whatsoever to do with the YH. It is coincidentally an addiction that uses a natural taivoh.

And the second indispensible admission after our powerlessness, is the admission that tomorrow actually does not exist yet. It is not a hashkofah matter, either! It is just a simple, observable fact. Only today, is actually here. So we cannot give up anything for the rest of our lives, for the rest of the year, or even for the rest of the week! All we really have to deal with is today. Goyim are the same, everyone is the same in this. And 'scheduling' for tomorrow is today's job, so please do not get confused about that trick.

And Hashem (who is very, very smart) asks us only for today's avodah, when he says the word "hayom" many times in the Torah. Not because addiction and recovery have anything to do with being good or frum - they do not. They are before being good, and before being frum - they are Derech Eretz that is Kodmah laTorah. Or, "sanity", as the 12 steps refer to it. Active perverts cannot be ovdei Hashem, period, any more than shoteh's can. Sure, they can pretend to be...lots do - so? But they really only have the 'inner keys', not the 'outer keys'. The P'ri is inaccessible if you do not deal with the Shomer laP'ri first. They are not even in the room yet!

Do you think you may have a porn addiction?
 

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.

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