Dear GYE,

It's funny how Hashem works.

Years ago when I first became Bar Mitzva, I would wear a Gartel.

As time went on I decided, "What do I need this for? So what if it's our Minhag, it means absolutely nothing to me!" ...as did a lot of other things.

Now, by the grace of Hashem, I'm in SA and have almost 4 month of sobriety, one day at a time. I'm seeing miracles daily, and feel, for the first time in my life, Hashem's presence.

In the last few weeks, I was contemplating wearing my Gartel again, not to show off or because it's my Minhag, as in the past, but as a personal thing for Hashem.

Now, after reading Friday's Chizuk email, about the Bigdei Kehunah and them being a kaporah for Arayus, I had this moment of: "Of course, my goodness, here I am thinking about whether I should start wearing a Gartel again, and it's right in front of me! I'll start wearing it again to remind me of the Kedusha of my Neshoma and as a personal reminder of where I am, where I used to be, and where I can be".

Thanks, this place is awesome.

The Sefat Emet writes:

It is written MISHLE 23:26: "My son, give me your heart, and let your eyes observe my ways". Because the one who guards his eyes and his heart, which are the two agents of sin, merits that the Holy One Blessed be He put His eyes and His good heart over him for Good, as it is written: "And My eyes and My heart was always there" and it is also written: "He will not remove his eyes from the Tzaddik", because through guarding the Brit and through guarding these two agents of sin, the person is on the level of Tzaddik, and measure for measure, the Tzaddik merits the constant supervision through the eyes of the Holy One Blessed be He.

Someone asks Dov:

"Are you saying that the true nature of addiction to this stuff is just the need to give to others which is just being misplaced? It sounds too simple. If so, let's all join "Tomchei Shabbos" and be free of this!"

Dov Responds:

First off, it's not me who says this. It was first brought to my attention in the chapter on the 4th step in "12 Steps & 12 Traditions". And, lehavdil, the Gemara in Avodah Zara spells out the reason that the creator added desire into sexuality. And lehavdil again, having to learn how to train a dog, taught me operant conditioning (which is natural): All bodies naturally learn to do the stuff they are "supposed" to do because the behaviors are associated with pleasure. It's not about right or wrong, it's just the inescapable reality.

Of course, it's not the only way to learn what to do, but perhaps it's the easiest. Rav Noach Weinberg zt"l built his whole "5 Levels of Pleasure" thing on this, and also said that we liberally use rituals (like saying thank-you, b'rachos, etc.) in yiddishkeit to encourage learning healthy behavior. And Rav Noach warns us to remember that the ritual is not the purpose, but only a path to become people who live with natural gratitude, humility, etc., otherwise our davening and mitzvos eventually become empty. Our young people sometimes see right through the charade and get sick to their stomachs, of course... And then we wonder why they are "going off the derech"... "what derech?" They'd respond: "the derech to what?"... (but I digress)

Messilas Yeshorim says this in his hakdomah, when he writes that while we were created for pleasure, we are tricked to accept petty and temporary pleasures rather than going for the Big One.

Now, all that "higher pleasure" stuff was just "the phooey mubo-jumbo, goody-goody stuff that grease-balls were made of" to me, until I got sacked by lust addiction and ended up in the toilet.

From down here, b"H, the view is a bit different, even being out of the toilet....

It ain't so bad, actually, especially going with you, and the rest of the sweet GYE-maniacs.

So, yeah, that's it. Sometimes it just takes a really big ego-breaker like addiction and recovery to really admit that we really are that stupid to go for the pretty box, instead of after what's inside. Ha! :-)

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.