Dear Unwilling,

What if your best friend told you the following:

"I have a secret that I want to share with you because you are my best friend in the whole world. I have never revealed this to anyone. There is a forest at the end of the city. You need to go at night, so no one sees you. If you go through the bushes and trees, and brave the thorns, and forge a path through the forest for a few difficult hours, you will come to a clearing. If you dig in that clearing, you will find a treasure of gold coins that I put there for you, worth millions of dollars. This will be more than enough money for you to live comfortably for the rest of your life. (I had to hide it in that place, so no one else will steal it.)"

So you start out on the journey, and it starts raining, and you are scared and wet, and it's dark, and you get scratched by the thorns and you're tired and weary... But you press on... Do you start cursing out your friend for being "selfish"? Of course not! You understand what an amazing friend you have who wants you to live in comfort for the rest of your life! What is a few hours of struggle and pain compared to the rest of your life? Look what a treasure your friend hid there for you!

So think about it. This short life of 80-90 years, compared to ETERNITY. Hashem has revealed to us in the Torah the secret to everlasting LIFE and JOY. If we just press on and trust that we are on the right path, and we trust that He truly is our best friend Who means ONLY our good, then we can make this difficult journey with JOY in SPITE of the pain.

We are looking for GYE members who are fluent in Yiddish to help on the forum or as a partner/sponsor for other Yiddish speakers around the world.

If you can help please let us know by email: help@gye.org.il

"Rashkebehag" wrote on the forum:

I want this thing behind me. Just today I innocently downloaded updates that were offered for my iPod and there it was - the youTube and safari with all its shmutz. Boy did I feel tempted to go on it. I ran in a panic to my expert and he put on for me the necessary restrictions and I was able to breathe easier (while in my heart I had this crazy feeling of regret that: why couldn't I explore it a little, just a little, before he did that). So I am still an addict and so proud that I was able to stop in time, with Hashem's guidance, of course. But all the years of addictions, oy, they really hurt.

Dov Replies:

The 12 steps I know of are all about learning how to run. Not away from the addiction, but to run to Hashem instead of the addiction. To keep my focus on running to Hashem and use every circumstance in life for an opportunity to be with Him - to recognize that He is with me. My desperate need for Him is of course trashed every time I act as though I can control and use lust. It's similarly trashed whenever I act like I can withstand lust by my own power - or tzidkus, if you will. It seems to be some peoples' job, but not mine. And, b"H, I have been sober for 13 years now. The childlike dependence on Hashem is my greatest treasure - why would I want to ruin it with "madreigos"?! ("Lo sa'aleh b'ma'alos al mizb'chi asher lo sigaleh ervascha olov" applies to me if it applies to anyone !!)

I guess some people are destined to be more like Noach who had to walk with Hashem's help every step - others are like Avraham, who walked before Him seemingly on his own power. As of today, I choose Noach, at least in this issue... sue me. (just kidding please don't sue me!) The steps (over time) taught me how to do this.

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.