We are looking for GYE members who are fluent in Yiddish to help on the forum or as a partner/sponsor for other Yiddish speakers around the world.

If you can help please let us know by email: help@gye.org.il

Rabbi Dovid Heber of Baltimore, who has been a member of GYE's Rabbinical Board since 2010, gave permission that this letter be shared, including with the GYE community.

Rabbi Heber wrote the letter 20 years ago, when Internet use was in its infancy. In the letter, Rabbi Heber describes the dangers of the Internet, which have come to be all too well-known.

Rabbi Heber's Letter

Someone wrote on the forum:

I'm trying to defeat this giant, and I have faith that I will... I'm done. I just can't live two different lives anymore. I'm a Jew and I'm so very lucky to have a beautiful wife who adores me.. I better quit while I'm ahead... I'm sorry and embarrassed of my actions. I'm not saying that the Yetzer Hara is going to quit whispering in my ear, but I'm going to "Change the Channel" in my mind when he does... I'm confident that HaShem is doing things in my life right now... I feel like I'm going to be Ok for the first time in a long time... I can't look at filth and look into the face of my beautiful faithful wife that HaShem has given to me any longer.. Please forgive me HaShem..

Dov Responds:

I love "Change the channel"! Thanks - I hope to use it the next time you-know-what....

Now please get your fur-lined, regulation, chassidishe boxing-shtreimel on now, OK?

I have heard remonstrations (look it up, it's really a word) just like this from many folks, many times.

Your sincerity is not in question. All I come to say is that I do not know personally of anyone who was able to "defeat this giant", as you called it, on their own.

If you would be alone c"v in a dark alley and accosted by a few big thugs with knives, would your reaction be, "hmmm, I trust that Hashem will give me the strength to beat this crowd (like Bruce Lee in the movies), and I'll be OK"? I think most of us would assess the situation rather quickly, realize we have no chance, and start screaming for help. Perhaps you believe it's best to at least 'go down swinging'.

Well, in this problem, there is no 'going down swinging'. It gets ugly in a hurry, and gets uglier still, and remains ugly, spoiling it for those around us, r"l.

So, scream for help. Consider giving up the fight with this giant if you believe that it's really too big for you. SA helped me do just that, and helped me learn how to actually depend on Hashem rather than just talking or acting as though I put it in Hashem's hands, while really depending on myself. Anyone can say they depend on Hashem. But for me, the only way to eventually truly come to do it, was (and still is) through admitting utter personal defeat. It seems I am just too screwed up to help Him take care of me, and I need to get the heck out of His way basically.

Nu. It's really a wonderful derech avodah, and life is better for my wife, who likes me a lot, too.

You may now remove the bumper-shtreimel safety device and get to work in whatever way you see fit. The road is rarely smooth, but Hashem will be with You as long as you don't give up asking for help!

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.