Time to Grow Up!
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1518  
In Today's Issue
Image of the Day
Daily Dose of Dov: Misinterpretation
Torah: He who admits and desists will be shown mercy
Testimonials: It took over 20 years to find you!
90 Day Journey
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Still Clean Had a fall
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Image of the Day
Daily Dose of Dov
Part 2/2
By Dov

I'd like to continue with this idea today by bringing a beautiful post from Dov in response to someone who posted the following question on the forum:

Ok, I fell because I looked at photos. Why did I do that? Because I get a "high" looking at beauty. I appreciate G-d's beauty in the world. Unfortunately, that leads to waste.... I feel that "staring" is a part of me. It's not like not eating kosher. There's something natural about a guy staring at a pretty woman. How can G-d expect us to not do behavior that is natural for us guys?

Dov Responds:

First of all, whaddayamean it's not natural for a guy to want treif? If he's used to treif, he wants more treif - we all have favorite foods, favorite restaurants, etc. So do the treif guys.

Second, who said that G-d expects us not to appreciate gorgeous women?! But what is pretty, really? Yeah, it implies sexual activity for the "guy", but isn't the beauty in any woman an apportionment of G-d's own beauty? If not, then where does it come from? Have you ever cried listening to Motzart, seeing a child laugh, or feeling true love for your wife, or even a friend? Where do these things come from if not from G-d Himself? The beauty is real. I believe it's G-d's. So why go for the girl if we can go straight for the G-d? She is but a spark, a shadow of His seductive and incredible beauty. This is clear in the s'forim. One who has a relationship with Hashem eventually lusts for closeness and attachment to Him with a constant preoccupation. The RMB"M says this clearly in the beginning of Hilchos Yesodei Hatorah. In the mitzvah of Ahava, He says that the lust for Hashem (one of the six constants!) is like the lust for a woman that can fill the mind of a man all day long!

It boils down to what you/I really want:

I can keep running after (the joke) of an image of a woman I know, a woman herself, a porn image, a fantasy - what will I get? Think a few scenarios through to the very end: the woman I may want has her own will and life, necessarily, including parents, brothers and sisters, body odor...sorry...and won't always put me first (except as long as it takes to get me interested and devoted to her, perhaps)... As much as that's the fantasy we all crave... the pretty (paid) image on the screen or paper will only grow into more powerful and advanced lusts within me clamoring for enactment - till I cross that next boundary that leads to - what? What end? Will I leave my wife? And if I respond in my heart "hell yes, I will", then where will that get me? To whom? To that true, me-adoring love of my life that will finally satisfy the lust I have forever? Really?

I have thought this through in years past, always to the bitter end. Do I really want to get old with this shiksa? I will, of course, one day.... so will she. Will we take care of each other as all old people are destined to do? Is that my joy? And if I just want to use her for the day or night, what does that say about my future? What next? Only more desire for someone even prettier, of course. Don't I know this in my very heart? I need nor want anyone to give me a shmuz about it. I am through with mussar about this - I am a recovering sex pervert. I look to sex and lust to answer my every need and it's stupid!

My lusting, the lusting of a man with a shred of conscience, inexorably leads me to shocking disappointment. It always wears off. And every woman comes with her blemishes. The ones without any blemishes on their outsides must have them somewhere, like in bitter selfishness, self-absorption, anger, or demands.... Those thing - when you live with them - become incredibly ugly. They have a horrible stench. And that's what I smell when I think it through. Two real people always means two contending wills - and that's forever.

So what is in it for me?

He who admits and desists will be shown mercy

Repent to G-d every day. Admit your sins and change your ways, as the Pasuk says "Modeh V'eozev Yerucham" - "He who admits and desists will be shown mercy".

In the holy books it says that the secret of confession is as follows: Every deed a person does creates a prosecuting angel. That angel goes up to heaven and prosecutes the one who did the sin that brought the angel into existence. However, when a person confesses to G-d and admits that he is ashamed of his deed, the angel he created loses it's power to prosecute the person and he is easily forgiven. However, this only works with repentance, i.e. if the person changes his ways. Otherwise, the angel will continue to prosecute even stronger than before and point out to G-d that the person who created him was lying when he confessed and said that he feels bad for his sins.

It took over 20 years to find you!
By Avraham

There are no words to thank you, whoever you are. When I discovered your site (the details of how I discovered it are blurry, which is puzzling altogether) my life was changed. It was emotional at first when I realized that I was part of a group and not alone anymore. When that initial emotion wore off, I fell. I was not disappointed or depressed, rather I expected it to happen. But now, now I'm proud to say it's an emotional and intellectual realization of freedom from the yetzer horah. I know he'll be back doing an honest day's work trying to ambush me and make me fall. So when I feel like I'm slipping, I imagine that I'm literally standing in a circle holding hands with all the others here, and if I let go, everyone is pulling me back into the circle of closeness to Hashem where my neshama really wants to be.

Read more
Do you think you may have a porn addiction?

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.

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