The Zohar (in Chelek Beis, pg 78b) writes that Yakov Avinu took the months of Nissan and Iyar for himself (hence Yetziyas Mitzrayim, Kabbalas Hatorah), and Eisav took the months of Tammuz and Av for himself (and hence, the 17th of Tammuz and Tisha Be'av), but only the first 9 days of Av belong to him. The month of Tammuz belongs to Esav. Yaakov Avinu davened for Hashem to save him from "the hand of my brother, the hand of Esav". Esav's power over Yaakov stems either from "the hand of Esav" - when he tries to destroy us by force, or from the "hand of my brother" when he tries to influence Yaakov to do whatever he pleases and enjoy the pleasures of this world. Today, on July 4th, Esav celebrates the holiday of "Freedom"; the same freedom that allows for the complete lack of restrictions in today's society.

Some folks should just get a bumper sticker that says:

"Whoever dies with the most Madreigos wins!"

We are winners if we are with Hashem - period. That's the attitude that I have seen works best for addicts. All the rest (paraphrasing Rebbi Akiva) is commentary.

Serving Hashem by doing His Will (or anyone else's) rather than my will is the ikkar for me (as described in the 12 steps), and madreigos are tofel. And they always will be, I believe.

To me, discussions based on "what's right" are nice, but are of very limited - if any - value. Ah, to be young again! To be able to sit back, picking and choosing the best derech for me to be yotzei all the shitos... "does it fit well with a Rav Dessler, a RMB"M, a gemorah in Succah?" Nu. I never had such luxuries. I wonder who does. There was a time when I was far too busy just staying out of hell. Early recovery was the very worst time for me to think about madreigos and worry about hashkofa. And guess what? It seems to be the time when folks are the most consumed with it!! (I was, for about 10 years, as I got worse and worse...)

The Chofetz Chayim used to say, "Besides being not doing aveiros, Hashem also doesn't want one to be a fool". Acting out with lust happens to be my own personal "foolishness", cuz it ruins my life. For others, it's drinking... If they worry about "the source" of the lav for drinking alcohol, gambling, heroin, etc, too much, they flush their lives down the toilet, and often die. Plain and poshut, right? So, please tell me: What lav, exactly, is "flushing"? Hah, hah....

So, my most basic hashkofa was this: Hashem doesn't want me to flush five lives down the toilet. And the devil isn't in the details, cuz I don't have to deserve to be with Him - I just have to start to give my life and my will into His care and continue doing just that. Of course, as a frum yid that means halacha, but it's a work in progress. That's a madreigo? Don't believe it! It's just enlightened self-interest! Good enough for me!

To sum up the points Dov is making here:

The only Hashkafa a recovering addict needs to have is: Don't flush your life - and the life of your family - down the toilet. It's not a madreiga we aim for, it's simply enlightened self-interest.

We don't need to deserve to be with Hashem, we just need to progress along the path of giving our life and will over into His care. (And Halacha is one of the ways we do that.)

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.