Dealing with Stress
 
 
  Breaking Free Chizuk #1243  
 
 
In Today's Issue
   
12 Step Attitude: The Ship in the Harbor
Daily Dose of Dov: Dealing with Stress
Announcements: Planning Israel Workshop
Links: Top Two Reasons Why Children’s Brains are Vulnerable to Pornography
Testimonials: Reaching 180 Days!
Announcements: Upcoming London Trip
 
 
90 Day Journey
 
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12 Step Attitude
 
The Ship in the Harbor
 
By Techeiles-Mordechai

There's a saying that "A ship in harbor is safe, but that's not what it was built for."

Us addicts may feel safe and in control of our own happiness while using our lust, even playing G-d a little bit at times by trying to control our lives' outcomes. But realizing that simply makes us into "ships in the harbor", and that our real tafkid is not to be safe against the dock, but rather to be riding the waves of life with Hashem's guidance and care. Hashem built each and every one of us with exactly the right measurements, proportions, and calculations to overcome each ripple in the water, enormous, big, small, or minuscule, and if we just "play it safe" without leaving the docks of our lust, then all we are doing is becoming a show, a museum, a thing for people to look at with passing amusement before moving on to something more real.

R' Shmuel Sheinberg ZT"L (brother of R' Chaim Pinchas ZT"L) used to say that the reason why we make bris milahs and levayas into such large affairs, is because they are comparable to ships leaving harbor and coming back into harbor. When a ship leaves on its maiden voyage, it leaves with much pomp and circumstance. When it returns safely to harbor, it is greeted back with similar celebration. The same is true with human life. A person is sent off into the ocean of the world with a party, with a farewell of "k'sheim she'nichnas l'bris, kain yikanes l'torah, l'chuppah, u'l'maaysim tovim." When that person "returns to port", he is also greeted by members of his family and friends who loved him and respected him, and is brought back to his place of origin amidst words of remembrance of his great deeds and accomplishments during his voyage.

May we be zoche to successfully leave the harbors of lust that we have fooled ourselves into thinking create safeties for us, and sail out proudly into the sea of real life, of living with the ultimate security that Hashem is constantly guiding and guarding us through every wave and ripple (not to mention that he creates the waves for us because He knows we can handle them).

Daily Dose of Dov
 
Dealing with Stress
 
How do I keep stress from causing me to act out?
 
By Dov

I find that people under stress are very prone to this addiction. They use it as an escape. I am under stress in many areas of my life. I used to think that maybe the stress is a divine punishment for my bad habit, but now that I am genuinely keeping away, the stressful situations don't let up, they only seem to be getting worse. Any suggestions or comments?

Read more
Announcements
 
 
Planning Israel Workshop
 
Links
 

Because of the way children’s brains are wired, they are even more vulnerable to the harmful effects of pornography than adults. Why? Among others, two reasons stand out:

  1. “Mirror” neurons make children extremely imitative.
  2. A child’s pre-frontal cortex is immature.

Click the link to read on. See the bottom of the page for a great book to read to young children about the dangers of pornography: "Good Pictures, Bad Pictures."

Top Two Reasons Why Children’s Brains are Vulnerable to Pornography
Testimonials
 
Reaching 180 Days!
 
By Yiraishomayim

I am so deliriously happy with reaching 180 days sober!

I remember reading a post a short time ago of a GYE member who is also a Ba'al Koreh in shul. He said that when he read Shir Hashirim in shul he got quite emotional. I really relate to that. It shows the stark difference between how low we became with these actions and the kedusha. That sudden realization brings on tears of joy!!!

In short, I was into P___ and Phone S____. It was only by the grace of G-d that I was not into much worse. It took me forever to get frustrated enough to decide a major change was necessary, much later than I should have.

I remember 180 days ago when I had my last fall. I need not explain the flood of low emotions that such an experience brings on. I had had it. I needed to do something to change this horrible cycle of Teshuva - acting out - depression - resolve to quit/teshuva - acting etc.

I remembered that picture of the guy drowning in the GYE ad. So I looked up the site and became a member of the forum. Once I came onto the forum, Hashem helped me in a most profound way. I racked up day after day of sobriety. Slips came about mostly in the first 65 days, and now B"H rarely indeed. It is through GYE that Hashem has helped me, and to the participants of the forum I owe an enormous Hakaras hatov.


I look back at my early posts and realize how much I have grown. What I realize now is simple and second nature, but in the beginning it was not so clear. Examples:


- Acting-out has a lot to do with underlying emotional needs, like anxiety and fear. It is a sort of quick fix, a drug of choice, if you will, to alleviate an immediate emotional discomfort.


- At first I was so delighted that I was not acting out, I did not put enough importance in shmiras aynayim on the streets. I would look away, but what was so bad if it took a couple more seconds? I was taught this is so fundamental. Do not separate what you think is the big stuff and the small stuff. They are both big.


- I learned to sacrifice enjoyments if they are possible triggers, like watching goyish movies and spending time in places that have pritzus.

I used to get so down when I read "VELO SASOOROO ACHAREI LEVASVCHEM VEACHAREI AYNAYCHEM ASHER ATEM ZONIM ACHAREIHEM". Now I beam with pride that I am on the right road. I used to not be able to look people in the eyes. I thought they probably could see that I have P___ eyes. Even though I learned Torah and had weeks or more of stretches when I did not indulge in the forbidden. Now I have no problem looking at people. No insecurity in that regard.

I am so much more relaxed. I can multi-task easier. If I have stretches of time alone, I do not have a sudden zombie robotic slave-like urge to to something filthy and stupid.

I am thrilled beyond thrilled.

I love and appreciate all the participants in the forum.

If you love someone you wish them the best. I WISH YOU ALL SOBRIETY (Can you think of something better?)

May we all get sober AND STAY THAT WAY so we can be the true YIRAISHAMAIM and AVDEI HASHEM that we were born to be.

Announcements
 
Upcoming London Trip
 

To all GYE Members in the UK,

The heads of GYE will be visiting London on a short fundraising trip be”h from June 1-3. We have a few Rabbanim behind us in London B”Hwho would like to help, such as Dayan Shmuel Simons and Rav Shimon Weingarten, but we need your help with connections and contact info of anyone who you think might be warm to our work and understand the importance of what we are doing today for Klal Yisrael.

If you believe you may be able to help with introductions to potential partners - or in any other way, please be in touch with us confidentially at yaakov@guardyoureyes.org.

Tizke Lemitzvos!

Do you think you may have a porn addiction?
 

Do you have a problem with obsessive and compulsive porn use? Have you seriously tried the tools on GYE and feel that you are not getting better? Maybe it’s time to consider joining a 12-Step program.

Porn Anonymous (PA)
If you’re compulsively acting-out with pornography and masturbation we suggest you explore joining Porn Anonymous (PA). If you need help deciding whether to join PA, call Michael at 347-699-2368, or email help@pornanonymous.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit pornanonymous.org (Hebrew: p-a.org.il / Yiddish: pa-yid.org).

Sexaholics Anonymous (SA)
If your compulsive acting-out has progressed beyond the screen (with other people, paid sexual services, etc.) we suggest you explore joining Sexaholics Anonymous (SA). To figure out if SA is for you, call Dov at 917-414-8205, or email Dov at dov@guardyoureyes.org to schedule a time to talk. For more information visit www.sa.org.

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